Hammered Rivets: 2019 Wrap-up

The Thorns closed out the regular season in front of a near-sellout crowd at Providence Park. The match itself was frustrating, but there were plenty of other goings-on to entertain us. Before the match started, the Orlando-Reign match was showing on the big video screen. When Marta scored the equalizer at the death, there was […]

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Fairytale Come True

(in which the Thorns win the NWSL Championship and Portland pees itself a little) The NWSL Final was played in the land of sanitized fairytales. The original stories included dark themes of villainy, maimings, and worse. But then a hero emerged and everything wrapped up with a happy ending. How appropriate for this match. The […]

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Bye Orlando! Oh, Hi Orlando!

(in which the Thorns dispatch the Pride at home and now are going to the Final in Orlando) The Thorns beat the Orlando Pride 4-1 at Providence Park to earn a berth in the NWSL Final. One more win, this time versus the North Carolina Courage, and the Thorns will be the league’s second team […]

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Nothing to Get Too Excited About

(in which the Thorns handily win a friendly and get an unlikely next opponent) The Thorns hosted the Chicago Red Stars on Saturday for the season finale. The game was decidedly tilted in Portland’s favor even more than the 3-1 score indicated. But since Chicago wasn’t really trying, the win has a somewhat hollow feel. […]

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Meets Minimum Standards

(In which the Thorns are held in check, but return the favor. Postseason looms) The Thorns made the long trip to Florida and came home with a point and a record-breaking clean sheet. With the home semi-final locked up, the objectives for this match were different than normal. Primary objectives: get the defense back in […]

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Entering the Home Stretch

(in which we have a brief recap of the Thorns’ glorious successes to start September) Since my match report is late, I decided to try a different format this time. Borrowing from others, here are my highlights by the numbers in no particular order. 2 – Crucial wins against the soft part of the remaining […]

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Emerald City Gem

(In which the Thorns beat the Reign 2-1 and break the Curse of Memorial Stadium) Take a base element, in nature or the lab, and apply constant increasing heat and pressure for a long time. The result can be a perfect gem. On Saturday, the Thorns produced a beautiful red ruby in only 90 minutes […]

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Six of Nine: Mega Match Report

The Thorns played three games in a week and garnered six valuable points. But they also dropped three points you’d reasonably expect them to get. At the Chicago Red Stars The first match was at Toyota Park in Bridgeview, Illinois. The Red Stars were in second place in the standings with the Thorns one point […]

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Earlybird Special

(In which the Thorns give a clinic in midfield play and two noobs find the net) Portland hosted the Houston Dash for a brunch affair and came out on top 2-1. Aside from a few brief moments, the Thorns dominated the match. By the fiftieth minute the Dash looked they could not wait to be […]

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(in which the Thorns play half a game but still get an entire result) Portland hosted the last-place Washington Spirit in the second match of a three game homestand. The Thorns came from behind to win 2-1. The result left the Spirit in the league’s last spot but Portland moved up to third. As has […]

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