The Thorns Prediction Game

Matchday 11: Sweatin’ With the Moldies

The Pride visited Portland where they always lose. And they lost. All of our predictors won, with Daniel Stratton taking the honors for the correct scoreline and two assists. PastaBake got two points for a wild tale of pet chaos in the suites. Roses is now in the middle-of-the-pack slot.

[2-1 win: Smith from Rodriguez, Everett from Klingenberg, Viggiano from Kim. First yellow = Meggie Dougherty Howard, no red]

The Thorns go to steamy coastal Texas to face the Houston Dash on Saturday at 5:30, broadcast on Paramount+. The Dash are coming off a strange road trip. First they went to Chicago, held the Red Stars to zero shots on target, scored three goals, and lost 2-1. Then they went to Cary, NC and played an excellent game against the Courage, winning 2-1. Now their rollercoaster ride is over and they await the Thorns.

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Charley (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Weaver (Unassisted)
Groom (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Shea Groom because the match is being played on a day ending with ‘y’.
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Gabby Seiler pats Menges on the cheek but the ref sees hands-to-face.

Make your fun prediction, and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: CBS confuses James Clarkson with Jeremy Clarkson and shows a Top Gear rerun instead of the game on Paramount+.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

The game thread will usually be posted 48 hours before each match.

Have fun, tell your friends, let me know if you have any questions or if I screw up your score.

Richard Hamje
Latest posts by Richard Hamje (see all)

7 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 1-0 Thorns
    (that stoppage time goal cost me seven points last week…but I’m trying again for the clean sheet)

    Smith (Everett)

    YC: Seiler
    RC: Hanson

    In honor of Sinc’s 301st international cap the Thorns and Dash (who always seem to be roughly half Canadian) decide to play a round of 301 during the game using the goalposts and crossbars, which they have marked up with the numbers 1-20. The Thorns, being exceptionally good at hitting the bar and posts, win the game in less than 20 minutes. Unfortunately for the Dash, Shea Groom doesn’t really understand the rules of 301 and continues to happily ding balls off the frame despite the protests of her teammates, claiming that “there is still plenty of time on the clock to get our score to zero!”.

  2. We’ve always struggled in Houston, so my guess is low-scoring and I’m going to go with optimism that our defense doesn’t fall asleep and cost us (and me – I lost the same points 4-4-2 did when the backline hosed Bella Bixby…) points. I’m also gonna bet Weaver finally finds her shooting boots. (Update midday 7/24 – had to change my goalscorer; Weaver in the IR out with the knock she picked up last week. Dammit – she’s been tearing it up. Hope this is just an STI that can be resolved without complications…)

    nil-1 Portland

    Smith (Everett)

    YC: Hanson
    RC: Groom

    When Madison Pogarch subs on in the 83rd minute Shea Groom steps in front of her. “I hear you’re supposed to be pretty badass.” she rasps.

    Po stands her ground, giving the former KC hardwoman the stinkeye. “I was crippling fullbacks when you were still watching “My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic” in your jammies.” Groom growls.

    As the two square off Klingenberg strolls up behind them and slaps them both up the back of the head like Moe in the Three Stooges. “Both of you knuckleheads knock it off and play soccer…” she says as the two tough nuts goggle at in disbelief. “Honestly. Kids today…”

  3. Thorns 2 – 2 Dash

    Smith (Rodriguez)
    Weaver (Everett)
    Spencer (Groom)
    Latsko (Seiler)

    YC: Klingenberg
    RC: Groom

    Seiler loves being reunited with her old teammates so much, she starts excitedly running around the pitch greeting them all. Her positivity and energy are infectious. Soon, players on both teams are running with her, caught up in the joy. After their third lap, the group’s excitement and camaraderie give way to an undefined, Gump-esque determination … they are running A LOT but they don’t know why. After 20+ laps, the referee’s whistle finally sounds. The spell is broken, the reverie ends, and Seiler stops running to say, “I want to play soccer now.” The game begins.

  4. Thorns 2-0 Dash

    Charley (Klingenberg)
    Smith (Everett)

    YC: Spencer
    RC: Gomera-Stevens

    BBVA lives up to its reputation for heat and mugginess. The ball becomes buoyant in the soggy air and rarely touches the ground. The players move in slow motion like astronauts on the moon, and much of the play takes place two or three feet above the grass. Maybe it’s the power of wishful thinking, but in this eerie and dreamlike setting it is perhaps not surprising to see Morgan Weaver, ankle miraculously healed, terrorizing the Dash back line.

  5. 1-0 Thorns. This is the way.

    Smith (Rodriguez)

    YC: Weaver
    RC: Seiler

    In honor of the Olympics, each team scores three off-sides goals and loses to Sweden before the second half. Sophie Smith is not impressed.

  6. We do not do well traveling to Houston.

    With the depleted squads it is hard to say what the result is going to be.

    I am going for a loss here in the high humidity 2-1 loss.

    Charley (Rocky)
    Ogle (Groom)
    Latsko (Seiler)

    Houston sees the game delayed due to thunderstorms in the area and the Paramount plus broadcast shows viewers a loop of infomercials selling things for dogs on loop while we wait.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.