The Thorns Prediction Game

Matchday 4: Thorns visit Gotham

It’s starting to look like preseason has returned, at least on the Portland side of the ball. Our second-ever loss to Orlando benefited precisely one person north of the Tropic of Cancer: John Lawes. Not only did he predict the exact score, but he got one goal/assist combo and another goal scorer, plus the most liked wild story about Olivia Moultrie gate-crashing. A huge 14-point haul makes John our new leader.

Don’t give up! There are 21+ games to come, so plenty of chances to get to the top of the table. Perhaps you too will score 14 points one week.

Here is our table after the Orlando match:

Next up is the Thorns’ first-ever trip to Red Bull Arena to face Gotham. It took PKs to decide this matchup a few weeks ago. Will the Thorns do better this time? Tune in on Paramount+ at noon Sunday to find out. This is also the first week of local coverage on Fox 12+ (49).

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Charley (Klingenberg)
Horan (Free kick)
Weaver (Unassisted)
Lloyd (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: First yellow to Midge.
Then reds, if any. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Sheridan sees red for handling the ball outside the box.

Make your fun prediction, and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: During warmups, Lloyd and Horan have a little contest of who-can-kick-farther. Lloyd wins when she boots a ball entirely out of the stadium. Freya Coombe makes her go fetch it.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· Each player with a red card: 1 point (Cannot earn points for predicting 0 red cards)
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

The game thread will usually be posted 48 hours before each match.

Have fun, tell your friends, let me know if you have any questions or if I screw up your score.

Richard Hamje
Latest posts by Richard Hamje (see all)

11 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 4-2 Thorns

    Horan (Dunn)
    Smith (u/a)
    Smith (Horan)
    Charley (Westphal)

    Lloyd (Long)
    Viens (Purce)

    YC: Long
    RC: Cudjoe

    A small whiteboard is seen leaning against the Thorns bench with the numbers 14/124 (11). While Sinc and Horan are observed to be making huge efforts not to look at these mysterious numbers, Sophia Smith is clearly checking the board regularly from the field, occasionally celebrating as the third number creeps downward every time she has the ball in Gotham’s box. By halftime the board reads 15/142 (9.5) and Parsons is fuming, taking Smith aside as soon as she comes off the field. By pure chance their conversation is picked up by a sideline microphone, where he is heard advising her that the goal is to INCREASE the conversion rate, not decrease it. Understanding suddenly washes over the young star’s face, and when she returns to the field she achieves a brace within 10 minutes and never misses a shot again.

    1. You are correct, my apologies. I’ve added it in my master tracker and it will appear there next game.

        1. Smith (weaber)


          YC Dunn
          RC Purce

          Both coaches get tossed as the refs miss two players punch each other in the face.

  2. This is a tough one. Given the Chaos Cup Final it SHOULD end 2-1 or 3-1 Thorns. But road games are always twisty, the Thorns seem to be struggling, and this is the third game in a week for Portland whilst Gotham has had the week off. So…


    Viens (Purce)
    Sinclair (pk)

    YC: Horan
    RC: Freeman

    During the after-match handshakes Midge Purce pauses next to her former coach and whispers “Do you miss me yet..?”

  3. 2-2 Draw

    Dunn (unassisted)
    Smith (Charley)

    Purce (Long, hockey assist #1 Onumonu, hockey assist #2 Zerboni) <- PTFC alum goal
    Lloyd (Kawasumi)

    YC: Charley
    RC: Zerboni

    Not to be outdone by the Challenge Cup Cherry-picker, Gotham FC parks the original, Adam-West-era BATMOBILE behind the goal; multiple gimmick Twitter accounts are spawned before kickoff. Zerboni earns a straight red by celebrating Lloyd's goal doing doughnuts at midfield in the BATMOBILE.

    1. Nice job calling the Dunn goal…I’d begun to think she’d forgotten how to score…was a beauty as well.

      1. Ha, thanks. We’d been predicting Dunn goals each time, I think … gotta be right at some point. It sure was a good one … definitely screamed when it happened.

  4. Thorns 1-0 Gotham

    Horan (Klingenberg)

    YC: Skroski
    RC: Lloyd

    The trainers treating Zerboni’s nagging back injury are mystified by the appearance, without any apparent cause, of cleat marks on her back. Do the mystery marks signify slow-working karma, or has Shea Groom acquired a voodoo doll?

  5. Post from Facebook: Savannah S
    1-0 Thorns

    Smith (Kling)

    First yellow to Lloyd
    Double yellow to Lloyd


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