The Thorns Prediction Game: MD 27 – BOS v POR

Turns out that some corgis aren’t corgis but can “win” a “corgi race” while some tomato cans aren’t can-y enough to lose an away league match to the club half a dozen places above them on the table.

So “Banjo” the Not-Corgi scampered to victory, and the Houston Dash scampered away with the road point, confounding the pundits, the Thorns organization, and our punters, who all figured that the local dog would run off with the match.

Nobody got the 1-1 result or, obviously, the score. No one guessed Muller with the only Portland goal, Dave and Barcasiempre got Rader as the Houston scorer, and Barca and Irene’ split the “fun” points for complementary facemask tales. Nobody got van Zanten for first yellow (I didn’t check the “league leaders” board before writing this but…okay, I get the “Patterson” pick. Wow. The woman is a fucking assassin…) Overall our predictors came away from the Civic as point-deprived as the Thorns did.

Oof.

So here’s where we stand after Matchday 26:

How all this works:
Before the upcoming Thorns match add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 1-3 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Wilson (Fleming)
Reyes (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Rodman (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Sophia Wilson
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Trinity Rodman for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Ryan gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Perry, gives Muller a wedgie, gives Arnold a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

Scoring:
· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Castellanos scores from a Moultrie assist and that is exactly what happens.

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = dead ball, not in run of play. FK includes olimpicos from corners. No entry means unassisted.

First yellow means just that: the player – the first player and only the first player – who receives a yellow. Not the first player on each team. If more than one player listed as “first yellow” all the punter’s predictions for that category will be voided.

Saturday is the first of the final four matches of the season, and in comes the worst of the final four teams we face; Boston.

14th of 16, 26 points from a 7-5-14 record (32GF, 44GA, 12GD), the legacy of the Legacy’s 2026 season is one of barely mitigated…no. Just no. The Club-Which-Was-BOSNation has been an unmitigated disaster. I’ll let Carlisle-sensei, who knows the non-Thorns clubs in this league much better than I do, describe the Swans:

“I think I’ve gone through all the emotions about Boston and what Filipa Patão is trying to do that I’ve now just landed on anger. Some of this is slight shame from my preseason belief that they would at least be interesting. Turns out they’re just not. They’re not a good team and either Patão isn’t any closer to figuring out the NWSL than she was at the start of the year, or (is) stubbornly insisting that what she’s trying to do will just work one day.”

Oooh. Snap.

So, yeah. This is a really, seriously, no-shit tomato can, the Chuck Wepner of NWSL bottom-feeders. It’s difficult to tell which is more dire, the Legacy’s “attack” (which consists of Alissata Traore’ (10G), Amanda Gutierres (7G), and Samantha Rose Smith (5G); the rest of Boston’s 10 goals are spread across five players) or it’s atrocious “defense”.

So we’re talking “show up, get three points”, right?

Ummm…

When we saw these jamokes last the Thorns, helped by a Pietra Tordin hat-trick, jumped out to a three-goal lead inside ten minutes…only to kick off the restart up by only two, and finished only a goal to the good. So I’d love to think that this is a simple smash-and-grab, a curb-stomping-to-be, but given the last three matches? I’m as far from sure of that as I can be.

Oh, and let me mention one more thing to stress about.

The Thorns are currently fifth on 43 points. While a win could vault us to a tie for third on points with Washington, a loss could see us drop as far as seventh if:
Kansas City (7th, 41 points) beats BayFC – and the Teal are home this weekend, so that’s very possible, and
Angel City (6th, 42 points) shocks Gotham in Jersey. Unlikely, sure, but since the end of August the Angels have gone fucking nuts; laid 5 on Boston in Rhode Island and three on Denver in LA, and whipped (in order) Seattle in LA 1-nil, Utah in Utah nil-3, and Washington in D.C. nil-1. So I’m not entirely confident that Gotham will do business.

We should win this game handily. Whether we will..?

Last meeting; August 9, 2026, Centreville Bank Stadium, Pawtucket, Rhode Island, 3-4 win.

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John Lawes

Soccer-obsessive. Stats geek. Thorns supporter. Former Slide Rule Pass and Stumptown Footy Thorns beat writer. One of those people who's "often mistaken but never wrong"...

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