Y’know the soccer trope about “draws that feel like wins/draws that feel like losses”?
About that…
The Thorns weren’t the only ones. Nobody. As in NObody got any joy (or points) out of the listless draw here last weekend. The most anyone could do was nicking the “Fun” points, which went to Ken for his story of Low Cunning in the Cookbook Section. Fun? Of a sort, I suppose.
So here’s where we stand after Matchday 24:
| Player | Latest Round | Cumulative Score |
| PTFC Dave | 0 | 24 |
| Ken | 2 | 31 |
| Barcasiempre | 0 | 23 |
| Mi-So-Thorny | 0 | 4 |
| Irene | 0 | 2 |
How all this works:
Before the upcoming Thorns match add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 1-3 Thorns.
In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Wilson (Fleming)
Reyes (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Rodman (PK)
Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Sophia Wilson
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Trinity Rodman for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.
Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Ryan gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Perry, gives Muller a wedgie, gives Arnold a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)
Scoring:
· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points
Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.
Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.
The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Castellanos scores from a Moultrie assist and that is exactly what happens.
Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = dead ball, not in run of play. FK includes olimpicos from corners. No entry means unassisted.
First yellow means just that: the player – the first player and only the first player – who receives a yellow. Not the first player on each team. If more than one player listed as “first yellow” all the punter’s predictions for that category will be voided.
Later today the Thorns visit the fetid fever-swamps of Orlando to meet the 11th place Pride (30pts, 9-3-12, 31GF, 36GA).
Orlando has been up and down – mostly down, obviously, given their record – this season. They’ve beaten Washington and San Diego…but have lost to Denver, Boston, and Louisville. A huge part of the Pride’s problems has been losing Barbara Banda to her national team, because if Banda doesn’t score Orlando doesn’t score.
That’s not hyperbole or metaphor; of Orlando’s 30 goals Banda scored 16. Haley McCutcheon added four more, two more players with two (Marta being one of them), and four more with singletons.
Orlando’s defending has been less than impressive (nobody is as dire as Chicago’s -54, 40GA, but Orlando is “fourth-worst in the league” behind Racing (47GA, -12) and Boston (40GA, -9). Our own 33GA isn’t doing us any favors there, mind.
So we’re looking at a “low-mid-table struggler trying to clamber above the red line” at home to a “low-top-table/high-mid-table teeterer desperately trying to cling to a spot above the red line”. or, as we Norwich City fans like to call it, “…mid-table dross tusslin’ for fuckin’ scraps, eh?”
Last meeting: August 12, 2026, Providence Park, Portland, OR, 2-1 Thorns win.
- The Thorns Prediction Game: MD 25 ORL v POR - September 19, 2026
- Thorns FC: Point taken, points lost - September 18, 2026
- The Thorns Prediction Game: MD 24 – CHI v POR - September 12, 2026
