I’m deeply ashamed.
I should be posting the writeup of last weekend’s 2-1 win over Orlando here.
Instead all I can offer is an apology.
Like a fool, I trusted that I would be able to review a replay of the ION broadcast, so I failed to set the DVR. No copy on my home screen, then. I was soooo sure that I could catch the stream on NWSL+ within a couple of days of the match, but no. Apparently the league doesn’t replay the ION matches, so nothing there, either.
I got nothin’.
Which is too bad, because last weekend was kind of an intriguing match. First, a whole lot of nothing, to an extent because I suspect Coach Vilahamn sent the troops out with one mission; stop Barbara Banda! Well, they did…but at what cost?
Then, close to the hour mark, in quick succession;
1) an utterly improbable 58th minute Deyna Castellanos shross that chipped Anna Moorhouse (remember in the prediction game thread we discussed what complete rubbish Moorhouse’s season has been? Yeah, that. I recall telling the friend with whom I was watching the match; “Does almost nothing of note for an hour and then stonks a goal? The most Castellanos match evah..!“) to put the home side up a goal…for a whopping five minutes, before…
2) …a combination of slack backline play and a poorly-timed/poorly-executed goalkeeper dive allowed Orlando’s Ovaille to level the match again.
Here’s how it ended up:
See the second green ball? That’s the evening suddenly becoming magic with Caiya Hanks’ Cinderella Moment.
Subbed on in the 88th minute, presumably just to get some brief match minutes coming right off the DL, Hanks worked the ball towards the goal, deep in second-half injury time, teed up another hopeful effort, and…
...boom.
Two-one, three points, second consecutive win, and one of the most adorable mom-daughter moments in recent Thorns history.
That said…remember how we were kind of fussing about how the Thorns were playing ahead of their cG/xG-against numbers and, worryingly, how those tended to regress to the mean?
Mmmmm. Yeah, that.
Throw in Sophia Wilson having her worst outing in a long time – note that the second “best” xG good/great shot is an 89th Wilson miss? Gigi’s mom got stoned on a 1v0 breakaway into the box three minutes earlier, too. Tough evening out for Wilson, and for almost all of the Thorns attackers.
Altogether the Thorns starting forward and AMs – Wilson, Pietra Tordin, and Marie Muller, managed only five shots, put only two on frame, and scored no goals. If you add Castellanos as an ACM you end up with eight shots, three on goal, and a goal.
I had to throw up this, because Carlisle-sensei made a funny:
So, heartwarming? Win?
Yes.
Does it bury many of the questions about this squad – attacking organization, midfield cohesion, defensive sturdiness – we’ve had all season?
No.
But it was a win, much-needed, and let’s just take that and enjoy it for the moment, because sufficient to the day is the evil thereof, and we’ve got Denver coming in on Saturday…
So, again; I apologize deeply for failing to catch this one. I’ve already set the DVR, though, so I’ll be back next week with a genuine match report. Promise!
- Thorns FC: Gomen nasai! - August 20, 2026
- The Thorns Prediction Game: MD 20 – POR v ORL - August 14, 2026
- Thorns FC: Just Like Watching Brazil - August 11, 2026
