Thorns FC: You’re the pants on a Roxy usher

About seven o’clock last Wednesday evening the San Diego Wave stepped across the Providence Park touchline on top of the NWSL table.

When they crossed back over it after the final whistle, they weren’t.

Portland was.

And still is.

Let’s say this first off; that’s fucking terrific. The club has been on a roll – undefeated in the past five – and looks as composed and confident as I’ve seen them since maybe late 2022.

Well played, Thorns.

Okay, now…that said, last Wednesday’s match was very, very peculiar.

For one thing, this:

For another, this:

For a third, this:

Those don’t look much like an Clash of the Titans to me, not like a rival on a roll crushing their league-leading opponents, not like an epic struggle that will live forever in the lore of the league.

Instead this thing looked like, well, like I described it in the prediction game post after the match:

“It was a very odd match,

San Diego, coming off a grind-it-out comeback win in Denver the preceding weekend, kinda had nothing in the first half, and Wave gaffer Jonas Eidevall yeeted their top scorer, Lia Godfrey, at the break (she looked gassed; no shots, and only about 15 touches in the first period).

Meanwhile Marie Muller had lofted a shoss that had flown over Leah Freeman’s head for the what-turned-out-to-be-the-matchwinner in the 10th minute, so San Diego had been chasing since then. Ineffectively.

Overall? That game felt like one that San Diego had lost as much as Portland had won.”

Now that I’ve watched it again, I think that Portland had more to do with the win than I’d thought; specifically we’ll talk about this when we get to the “pressing” section.

But this was still a very strange game.

I’ll have some more thoughts when we get to the breakdowns, but the hard, cold, fact is that wins are wins, points are points, and the Thorns now have more of both than anyone else in the league.

Short Passes

Goals change games, and Muller’s early tally meant that the Thorns could loll about forcing Eidevall’s gang to do all the work. They did; completing 82% of 526 passes to Portland’s languid 78% of 382.

All that passing dominance worked like a Play-Doh pizza crust.

Here’s Carlisle-sensei with the passing. First, Portland:

Oh fuck yes, sensei; I can’t agree more.

This whole “We’re gonna win the league!” feeling is deeply, unsettlingly weird. It’s like one of those Hong Kong kung-fu flicks where the drunken master staggers around kicking ass like a crazy monkey but with the jug in one hand and a cross-eyed expression. It shouldn’t work. How does it work? How the fuck do they do this?

I dunno, but fuck it; they are doing it, Let’s just ride this damn bull all the way down.

Here’s San Diego:

Worth noting that San Diego followed up this stinker by welcoming Bay FC to all the points in their house, so it looks like the magic is draining out of the Magic Pastel Kingdom.

I should note that for all that San Diego had nothing on the scoresheet, they didn’t have absolutely nothing.

Kenza Dali served a pretty sweet long ball up to Kimmi Ascanio who’d run straight off Jaden Perry’s shoulder in the 27th minute…

…but Ascanio tried swiping at the volley and shanked it grotesquely wide left.

Three minutes later Lumila stripped Perry on the edge of the 18 and, luckily, took the shot (that Jess Fleming blocked over the byline) rather than passing to a wide-open Dudinha…

…for the tap-in or we’d have really needed that Wilson goal instead of enjoying it for the pure joy it gave her.

Turnover and over.

Here’s how things are going;

Opponent – Venue (Result)	Turnovers
Washington – Away (W)	26
Seattle – Home (W)	11
San Diego – Away (L)	29
Kansas City – Home (W)	23
North Carolina – Away (D)	25
Angel City – Away (W)	22
San Diego – Home (W)	17

Finally. Outstanding, and it didn’t hurt that San Diego were as sloppy as a warm Dairy Queen soft cone on a hot day, losing 28. Both second halves were a bit better than the firsts; Portland’s hairballs going down from 9 to 8, the Wave from 17 to 11.

Olivia Moultrie was the Not-Very-Biggest Loser with three turnovers. Wilson coughed up two-and-a- half. That was pretty much it.

The only real horror was Bogere’s pass-directly-to-Dudinha in the 14th minute, but the Thorns DM scrambled back to cover and cleaned up her own mess, so that’s just fine.

Press!

Seventh match tracking the press. I counted either a 1) turnover (either from a tackle-for-loss or a mishit forced pass), or a 2) forced retreat or drop-pass that killed off a progressive action, as a pressing “win”.

Both clubs came out pressing. The Thorns won 29 of 49 (59.2%) in the first half to San Diego’s 23 of 40 (57.5%), with both clubs nicking 9 forced turnovers from successful presses. The second half was even closer; I recorded 31 presses for both clubs. Portland won 16 (51.6%) and 5 ball-wins, San Diego 22 (70.9%) with 14 takeaways.

I think the big difference was that San Diego was chasing, so the disruption caused by the high pressing and tight marking – and the Thorns marking and pressing is notably better that it was under Ken; more cohesive, more tightly layered, and more supportive – was more difficult for San Diego than Portland.

Match time	Wave presses (wins)(%)	Thorns presses (wins)(%)
0-46′	23(40) (57.5%)	29(49) (59.2%)
45-92′	22(31) (70.9%)	16(31) (51.6%)
Match Total	45(71) (63.3%)	45(80) (56.2%)

My thoughts:
1) So I still think that San Diego lost this match, but I think Portland’s pressing and defending had a lot more to do with that than I’d initially thought.
2) I’m seeing a pattern here. After LA away I said “Portland’s press was, like Portland, patient and consistent, keeping the Angels underfoot until the Thorns finally got a break, and then…boom.”
3) So yep. Same-same here.

Here’s the running tally:

Match (Result)	Opponent Press (Success)	Thorns Press (Success)
Washington Away (W)	40(27) (67.5%)	69(41) (59.4%)
Seattle Home (W)	61(30) (49.1%)	35(20) (57.1%)
San Diego Away (L)	33(22) (66.6%)	88(40) (45.4%)
Kansas City Home (W)	26(15) (57.6%)	43(23) (53.4%)
North Carolina Away (D)	35(22) (62.8%)	56(26) (46.4%)
Angel City Away (W)	52(37) (71.1%)	61(32) (52.4%)
San Diego Home (W)	45(71) (63.3%)	45(80) (56.2%)

Corner Kicks

Three. All long, two first half, one late

Time	Taker	Short/Long?	Result
23′	Moultrie	Long	On a San Diego head and flicked right to Reyes! But Reyes’ shot was blocked back onto her own arm.
46′	Moultrie	Long	Into the scrum, cleared, but to Wilson; her shot was blocked.
83′	Moultrie	Long	Into the scrum again and cleared away again.

Reyes had a decent half-chance thanks to a San Diego defender flick, but otherwise not really much.

Player Ratings and Comments

Wilson (+3/-5 : +5/-0 : +8/-5) I dunno what’s on the breakfast table in the Wilson house, but based on the way Mom Wilson was throwing her body at people in tutti-frutti shirts last week it must have been pretty fucking spicy. Damn, woman! You’re a forward! Forwards don’t do that sort of stuff!

But of course she’s Sophia Wilson so she does do that sort of stuff. Forechecking, shuttling, passing, scoring…everything is 100%, all the time. That’s how and why she is who she is.

That said, there’s times to heed warnings. That yellow card was coming, and the time to chill was before it came out. Of all things now that you’re rolling, having to sit because of card accumulation is not a thing you want.

Moultrie (+5/-2 : +8/-1 : +13/-3) Solid, workwomanlike match, all of her usual pluses; pressing, intercepting, passing, moving to space. Didn’t need to score (just as well, because she didn’t really come close) but did all the #10 things that make her useful.

Turner (59′ – +5/-0 : +1/-0 : +6/-0) Reilyn Turner looked gassed (from LA?) before halftime and was gassed by the hour, so Coach V made a good move to yank her for…

Alidou (31′ – +4/-0) Last Wednesday we had nothing but Good Alidou, so, brilliant! Still probably wouldn’t be my first pick off the bench, but I’m getting more and more comfortable with her work.

Tordin (76′ – +2/-1 : +7/-0 : +9/-1) Pietra Tordin is kind of this game’s poster child for the whole “How the fuck does this Thorns squad keep scoring all these goals?” thing. Of her nine pluses, four are for defensive actions. Go back and look at the xG numbers. There was nothing in Turner’s scoring pocket. Nothing. It’s utterly weird. It works. But it’s fucking weird.

Lyles (14′ – no rating)

Bogere (+9/-2 : +2/-0 : +11/-2) The double pivots, Fleming and Cassandra Bogere, were my Women of the Match. On an evening where the principal tools of victory were “fluky goals” they provided the big hammer of “grinding defending” that turned fluky into points. Helped that that Other Swedish Guy kept ramming his troops right up the gut, but if Bogere or Fleming had been jakin’ it? That might have worked. They weren’t, so it didn’t.

Fleming (+8/-2 : +5/-1 : +13/-3) See above.

Reyes (85′ – +4/-3 : +4-2 : +8/-5) The backline held but, as we saw in the screenshots above (which, I should add, don’t show the really scary moments in the second half, where Gabi Portilo 1) skinned the centerbacks – as Perry fell asleep and kept her onside and then blew the coverage on the recovery run – and forced Macca Arnold to come up huge in the 60th minute, then 2) fired from the top of the box and forced another diving save in the 70th minute.

Reyes’ moment was in a San Diego flurry around the 56th minute when she completely lost track of Ludmila. Luckily the Wave were still doing the whole “boat-water-miss” thing and couldn’t take advantage of that, either.

Vignola (5′ – +1/-0) Saw out the win, so, fine.

Obaze (+1/-0 : +2/-0 : +3/-0) With the DMs doing the hard work and San Diego misfiring on all cylinders the Thorns backline was kind of out of the picture much of the match other than keeping their shape and discipline. Which is not nothing! But it’s not how you rack up big PMR numbers. So.

Perry (+1/-0 : +4/-2 : +5/-2) See above.

Muller (+3/-0 : +6/-1 : +9/-1) Did you know Marie Muller could do that? I didn’t! That was a pretty goal even if it was meant to be a cross. Which I’m gonna say it wasn’t.

Plus had to work hard against Portilo in the second half and mostly did well. Hoch, hoch, Muller!

Arnold (+1/-0 : +2/-0 : +3/-0) Not hearing so much from the Arnold haters lately, are we, hmmm..?

Coach Vilahamn: As I said about ACFC away; I’m getting more comfortable with the guy’s coaching skills. As I said about this one, I’m not sure why. Is he the one orchestrating these weirdly-not-overwhelming-but-somehow-utterly-crushing-wins? How? What’s he got them doing in training that’s doing this?

I was willing to write off the Two-Goals-Up-Two-Players-Down Seattle win here as a freak, But how do you explain this one, then?

WTF!?

If this is what it takes to climb the top step, though?

What’s Swedish for “I’ll have more of that, please.”?

“You’re the top
You’re Mahatma Gandhi
You’re the top
You’re Napoleon Brandy
You’re the purple light
Of a summer night in Spain
You’re the National Gallery
You’re Garbo’s salary
You’re cellophane.”

“You’re sublime
You’re a turkey dinner
You’re the time of a Derby winner
I’m a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop
But if, baby, I’m the bottom
You’re the top..!”