“We’re gonna win the league, we’re gonna win the leeeeeague..!“
Okay, well, I didn’t hear anyone singing that as they walked out of the North End last Wednesday. But the Portland Thorns were, and are today, top of the table, 5-1-1 (16pts) 12GF, 6GA +6GD, having thrashed the former leaders San Diego 2-nil.
It was a very odd match,
San Diego, coming off a grind-it-out comeback win in Denver the preceding weekend, kinda had nothing in the first half, and Wave gaffer Jonas Eidevall yeeted their top scorer, Lia Godfrey, at the break (she looked gassed; no shots, and only about 15 touches in the first period).
Meanwhile Marie Muller had lofted a shoss that had flown over Leah Freeman’s head for the what-turned-out-to-be-the-matchwinner in the 10th minute, so San Diego had been chasing since then.
Ineffectively. Chris Henderson has SDW ending up with better chances than Portland (1.05xG to 0.26xG) but not out-shooting us by much (Post-shot xG’s were 0.69 to 0.49). But really? San Diego had nothing, and what little they had the Thorns DMs and backline (and Macca Arnold, who came up huge at least twice…) saw off.
The only other actual conversion was from Sophia Wilson, who potted her second in two games right after the hour…but, frankly, it looked to me like a pretty tame strike that Freeman botched more than Wilson golazo‘ed.
Overall? That game felt like one that San Diego had lost as much as Portland had won.
But win we did, and now look down from the mountaintop, so, yay!
Our punters lacked the confidence the Thorns had in themselves, however. Only Barcasiempre got the result. Everyone picked Wilson to score, but Muller? Yeahnope. Barca also nicked the fun points for a chilling tale of Catarina Macario and the occult.
Here’s the league table before Matchday 8:
| Player | Latest Round | Cumulative Score |
| PTFC Dave | 1 | 37 |
| Ken | 1 | 21 |
| Barcasiempre | 6 | 15 |
| DanXP2 | 0 | 4 |
| Daniel Stratton | 0 | 6 |
How all this works:
Before the upcoming Thorns match add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 1-3 Thorns.
In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Wilson (Fleming)
Reyes (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Rodman (PK)
Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Sophia Wilson
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Trinity Rodman for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.
Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Ryan gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Perry, gives Muller a wedgie, gives Arnold a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)
Scoring:
· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points
Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.
Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.
The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Castellanos scores from a Moultrie assist and that is exactly what happens.
Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = dead ball, not in run of play. FK includes olimpicos from corners. No entry means unassisted.
Okay, so. The reward for good work is more work, so tomorrow the Thorns travel to Chicago to play the Red Stars.
The Red Stars are, simply put, shit.
Fourteenth of 16, 2-0-5, 6pts, 4GF, 13GA, the Red Stars’ GD of -9 is the worst in the league. Their two wins were over the hapless Current and hopeless Boston.
The Thorns haven’t seen this godawful mess this season but it’s hard to picture a way that – even at home, even against a heavily rotated Portland – the sad, sorry act that is the Red Stars can find any points out of tomorrow.
- The Thorns Prediction Game: MD 8 CHI v POR - May 2, 2026
- The Thorns Prediction Game: MD 7 POR v SDW - April 28, 2026
- The Thorns Prediction Game: MD 6 ACFC v POR - April 21, 2026
