The Thorns Prediction Game

We should have been warned.

After a formless (and scoreless) mess of a midweek Cup tie against Seattle the Thorns Harmless Milk-snake Sedation Squad (a.k.a. “The Replacements”) dropped another turd to the visiting Current on a Cooper penalty.

Despite dominating all the statistics the Thorns couldn’t figure out how to put the ball through the goal and, like all our punters, got nothing from the match.

Torneo de Clausura:

This coming Sunday the same makeshift roster makes the long trek across the continent to New York (or New Jersey, pick ’em…) to play a Gotham that’s missing Lynn Williams, their top scorer, but is otherwise much less bereft. The Batwomen scraped a scoreless home draw off Angel City the day after the Thorns KC Debacle.

To say “form doesn’t hold” for Gotham this season is putting it mildly; the Team Formerly Known As Sky Blue is clinging to fifth, a point below Washington and two points clear of the slumping Wave, but has ping-ponged between whipping Seattle 4-1 at Lumen and losing to Louisville 2-nil in Louisville.

This will be the first meeting between these two clubs since the 3-3 final day draw in 2022.

(Last meeting: October 1, 2022, Red Bull Arena, 3-3 draw)

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy:“Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

Scoring:
· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

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John Lawes

Soccer-obsessive. Stats geek. Thorns supporter. Former Slide Rule Pass and Stumptown Footy Thorns beat writer. One of those people who's "often mistaken but never wrong"...

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