The Thorns Prediction Game

Well…it was inevitable that our Thorns-rose-colored-glasses would one day color things prettier than they turned out, and last weekend was when it happened for the first time this season.

No one got the result (so, obviously, the scoreline, either), only Thrakkorzog and ABell4 guessed Dunn scoring for the Thorns, nobody guessed Sanchez for Houston, Bella lost the sheet, there were no yellows or reds, so overall the haul was as meager as the Thorns finishing (5 SOG for 22 shots? Get the fuck out!); Thrakkorzog bagged the top step with a mere 3 points of which 2 were for his sly dig at the Eternal Sunshine of our Spotless Captain.

NameLast Match TotalThis MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder11011
Daniel Stratton11011
Timber Dave10010

Still a tight race here, though the points last weekend did put a tiny bit of daylight between Thrakkorzog and the pack.

We’ll glide past the pathetic midweek Cup loss in San Diego to the upcoming visit from Racing Louisville this Saturday.

Our first encounter with the bourbon-swillers should be interesting. They’ve been supremely mediocre so far, lying 8th having drawn all three of their matches, 4GF, 4GA, 1PPG. In the three matches Racing put 11 shots on frame including five in the scoreless opening draw. In the other two games they came away with 4SOG/2G against Washington and 2SOG/2G against ACFC. Sniper!

Meanwhile in the two matches this season that have featured not-utter-crap opponents the Thorns have taken 29 shots, put 14 on goal, scored once (in an xG over 3 – about 2.3 against Houston, 1.1 against San Diego), and taken 1 point of 6 on offer.

The lack of finishing is beginning to be a bit troubling. So’s the “if you press the Thorns they will turn the ball over” thing.

Can the Thorns turn those around this coming weekend?

We’ll see…

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy:“Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

7 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 2-1 Thorns win

    Smith (Rocky)
    Sugita (Sinc)

    Pickett (DeMelo)

    YC DeMelo
    RC Moultrie

    The Kentuckians visit the local dispensaries and are considerably mellowed by game time. They leave some bourbon and leftover edibles in the Thorns locker room. When the starting whistle blows, only Moultrie moves.

  2. Thorns 2-0 Racing

    Smith (Dunn)
    Leone (Moultrie)

    YC: Fox
    RC: Nadim

    US Soccer loans to the visitors Champ*, the telepresence robot, so that the injured Nadia Nadim can vibe with her current and former teams before the game starts. Nadim’s competitive drive takes over after seeing Racing go down on a controversial goal involving VAR, and she hacks Champ’s motion controls. Champ rolls onto the field behind the center ref and Nadim unleashes a blistering string of invective in Dutch, Pashto, and the four other languages she knows. The ref issues a red card to Nadim and calls for assistance in removing it from the field. Champ is so weighty, Mike Norris, Vytas, and Nadine Angerer are all needed to carry it off.

    * –

  3. 3-1 Thorns

    Hina (rebound off Smith shot on target)


    YC: DeMelo
    RC: Lund

    Meaghan Nally, still traumatized by the OG on Wednesday, refuses to look any direction but forward when subbed in at minute 70. Bella puts up with this for all of five minutes, and proceeds to duct tape (no, I don’t know where she got the duct tape) the hapless defender to the left post for the remainder of the game. This turns out to be a brilliant move, as Nally blocks what would have been the equalizing Olimpico in the 90th minute. Realizing she does have value after all, her confidence is restored.

  4. 3-0

    Dunn (Hina)
    Coffey (Weaver)

    YC Milliet
    RC Ecerg

    When Coffey scores her goal she pantomimes brewing a pot off coffee and all her teammates mimic drinking a cup of coffee as the celebration.

  5. 3-1 Thorns

    Smith (Weaver)
    Dunn (Sinc)
    Weaver (Smith)

    Demelo (Pickett)

    Thunder storm begins, lightning strikes the Park serendipitously after each Thorn’s goal.

  6. Gah, I totally blew it getting my prediction in. Busy busy day beforehand, and then all of a sudden we were at the game!

    Well, oh well.

    If I were a guessing gal (which I am), I would’ve gone with a 2-0 or 2-1. It’s weird to win a game, but still not feel like it looked that great. We have quantity, but quality still seems to be an issue. A little more clinical tonight imo, but not by much. The two goals were great team goals, but there would’ve been 3 more if Weaver or Soph would just pass the damn ball when they don’t have a clear shot. Too many wanting to be heroes doesn’t work, y’all. After Weaver had her goal taken away, she was determined to get it back…and so her tunnel vision really set in. Rockets to nowhere, and some missed passes in on goal to D’Aquila just to dribble into 3 defenders had me frustrated…not as frustrated as D’Aquila probably was, though.

    Anyways, our passing map looked how it felt….I’ll post that over on STF. Connection is still poor all around. Dunn was tenacious as always but her passing was pretty bad on the night. Hina is just sinking out on RW…on an island and with little help because the positioning of our rookie RB was still a bit…weird. It seems like she overcorrected from the last couple games and stayed pushed back so much, that there was a Grand Canyon between her and Hina. This will all work fine against poor teams, but we’ll get dismantled by our rivals up North if we don’t clean it up. Got the W, but still hasn’t quite come together…


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