The Thorns Predictions Game

First I’m going to apologize.

This week has been insane, between work and home and soccer and life in general, and I haven’t been able to review the tape of Wednesday’s 3-nil home win over Racing Louisville. So the TFC: is going to be late – possible even after the coming home regular season closer this Sunday.

I did want to get the TTPG up, though, seeing as how all our punters had a huge week this week!

Everybody – EVERYbody – who played got the result.

Two players – Thrakkorzog and Roses – got the exact score.

And two – Pastabake and Thrakkorzog – got points for their wild tales of Midnight Janken (Hina-san would recognize the term…) and skyclad cyclists.

So well done, predictors!

(3-nil win, Smith (UA), Coffey (Kuikka), Moultrie (UA) YC Moultrie)

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder545
Daniel Stratton628

Sunday the now-playoff bound, currently-top-of-table Thorns meet Chicago here in what will be important for Portland but utterly critical for the Red Stars.

Clinging to the final playoff spot CRS is barely a point ahead of Angel City in 7th and two above The Damned Courage in 8th.

A win keeps them in the playoffs.

A loss combined with an ACFC win over Louisville drops them below the red line; a loss and both ACFC and Carolina wins? They’re looking at falling to 8th behind both teams.

(Last meeting, May 28, 2022 at Seatgeek Stadium, 2-2 draw)

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

7 thoughts on “The Thorns Predictions Game

  1. 3-2 Thorns

    Smith (Sugita)
    Sugita (Coffey)
    Dunn (Beckie)

    Pugh (UA)
    Pugh (DiBernado)

    YC: Rocky
    RC: Colaprico

    Dunn cements her return to greatness with a fantastic bending rocket of a shot from 30 yards out. To the sheer delight of anyone nearby, little Marcel utters his first word… “goalazo”,

  2. Thorns 2-1 Red Stars

    Smith (Bixby)
    Coffey (Moultrie)
    Pugh (Gautrat)

    YC: Pugh
    RC: Pugh

    At halftime, a parachuter appears in the sky above the stadium. As they get closer, the inner part of the parachute can seem — it’s a tifo! It mockingly says “Red Stars do not exist on earth and certainly not in Chicago. Moreover, there are too many lights in Chicago to see any stars.” Oooh, light pollution burn!

  3. Thorns 3-2 Red Stars

    Smith (Coffey)
    Ryan (Klingenberg)
    Sugita (unassisted)

    Pugh (Hill)
    St Georges (Stevens)

    YC: Hill
    RC: Milazzo

    While the rest of the team does their postgame tour around the field, Sophia Smith sets up a childcare group of babies and toddlers who parade around the center circle waving to the crowd.

  4. 3-1
    Sinclair (Coffey)
    Hina (Beckie)


    YC Hubly
    RC Sinclair

    Sinclair does one of her defensive tackles and picks up a yellow. Then on her goal celebration runs up into the Riveters supporters crowd and gets booked a second yellow for excessive celebration. To show the women’s game is on par with the Men’s game it takes a third yello card for Sinclair before the referee remembers to show the red card. An call back to 2006 WC game refereed by Graham Poll.

  5. Whew, hoping we don’t have a replay of the last time Chicago was here for a very big game. We need a W today, gals.

    Thorns 3-2

    Smith (Sinc)
    Hina (Coffey)
    Sinclair (Ryan)

    Stevens (Pugh)
    Pugh (Colaprico)

    YC: Colaprico
    RC: Milazzo

  6. 2-1

    Sugita (Hubly)
    Smith (Dunn)

    Pugh no assist

    YC Smith
    RC Weaver

    The refs health care plan doesn’t cover contact lenses, and the cards received reflect that. Smith is mistaken for Kuikka, and carded for body checking a defender into the Red Stars bench area. Weaver is carded for being on the receiving end of a bad tackle. The crowd chants “Free Weaver” at this and subsequent games, and, though it doesn’t get her off the hook for a card, it becomes a regular chant going forward.

  7. 2-1 Thorns

    Yc- Rocky
    yC – Colaprico

    In the 25th minute both teams take 30 secs to enjoy this gorgeous day


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