The Thorns Prediction Game

Well, damn. This is getting ridiculous.

After dropping a clanger on the road to The Damned Courage, PTFC came home only to be comprehensively whipped by the league-leading San Diego Wave. Once again the attack sputtered out leaving Sophia Smith stranded up front, once again Sinc’s lack of pace exposed her midfield teammates, and once again the backline committed some awful derps and shipped crap goals.

(0-2 loss, McNabb (Morgan), Morgan (Korneick) – YC Korneick)

Our punters had another tough one, too; we hate to bet against the Thorns, so only Thrakkorzog got the result, and with his correct prediction of a Morgan goal put him at the top of the last match table and into a tight race with ABell4 for the league lead.

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder037
Daniel Stratton119

This Friday the Thorns travel to the muggy swamp that is Orlando to tackle the Pride, themselves coming off a tough 1-2 home loss to the Damndelions. Before that, however, the Shame was looking less than shameful, bagging 9 points from the previous five matches.

Worth noting; the early season Shame were, well, shameful, going 2-5-2 including two horrific beatdowns; the 6-nil loss here and a 5-nil loss two weeks earlier in Houston.

Since then? 3-1-4, including a 1-nil win over one of the down-beaters, Houston, at home…suggesting that the earlier loss in Portland might well be locker room motivation for the home side in this one, too.

(Last meeting, June 19, 2022 at Providence Park, 6-nil win)

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

10 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 3-0 Thorns

    To balance my karma (read:guilt) for calling the loss last game I’m going all in on the optimism this week…clean sheet and a hat trick…only good thoughts going forward.

    Smith (Sugita)
    Smith (UA)
    Smith (Rocky)

    YC: Listro
    RC: Pressley

    With her hat trick Smith launches into first place in the golden boot standings…and the team launches into a full rendition of the Dave Clark Band’s “Hey Hey Goodbye” complete with retro dance moves.

  2. Thorns 2-1 Pride

    Moultrie (Weaver)
    Smith (Dunn)
    McLeod (Tymrack)

    YC: Tymrack
    RC: Coach Wilkinson

    This being Florida, the halftime entertainment is a Florida Man wrestling a meth-addicted sewer gator.

  3. Worth noting: the Shame have taken three multi-goal/scoreless hidings this season:
    nil-3 at home against Gotham, May 1,
    5-nil in Houston, June 3rd, and
    6-nil here, June 19th.

    The next time they saw those same teams:
    The beat Houston 1-nil at home, July 8, and
    They beat Gotham 1-2 in Chester, August 20.
    …and we see them in Orlando tonight.


  4. 1-2

    Smith (Ryan)
    Moultrie (Coffey)

    YC Kuikka
    RC Oyster

    Crystal Dunn comes on as a sub and wants to show how far back she is takes every single throw in running leadup with a cartwheel to launch the ball into play.

  5. Thorns 3-1 Pride

    Smith (Sugita)
    Smith (Moultrie)
    Weaver (Klingenberg)
    Watt (Petersen)

    YC: Dougherty-Howard
    RC: Pruitt

    After all the players on the field join Smith and Weaver in coordinated goal-scoring celebrations, it is revealed that Kelli Hubly is now the Thorns’ official celebration choreographer. Her new extracurricular ambition, she says, is to choreograph celebrations for the Timbers as well.

  6. Google has Montefusco still as Oyster on the lineup. A little annoyed she didn’t pick up the second yellow. I could have used that Red card point. Oh well my fault for not scooping up the first yellow card for her.

    Hina and Ryan scored score miss out there. A combination I didn’t know Weaver and Ryan had in them but way to get to the ball first and redirect it.

    Hina bounces the ball along the ground. Are the cannon ball shots through the air more exciting to watch sure, but the inch perfect placement on that shot was a beauty of its own. Would have a Naher, Franch, or Bixby gotten to the ball and saved it, probably yes.

    Woodhouse made the poor choice to let it go by for a goal kick that never happened. Hina still had 2 defenders keeper and post to thread the ball through and did so magnificently.


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