The Thorns Prediction Game

Helped out by the second tomato can in a row (not that Houston is a can this season, but without Daly & Co. they were a can on the day…) the Thorns rang up six unanswered goals again the Orlando Shame to go second on the table as well as utterly spam the GD part of the table (Portland’s +14 is nearly twice their closest competition, top-of-table San Diego).

[6-nil win, Sugita (Beckie), Sauerbrunn (UA), Smith (Sauerbrunn), Kuikka (Moultrie), Smith (Ryan), Porter (Ryan), first yellow = Pogarch, no red card.]

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder512

Last match I’d miscalculated points for Thrakkorzoj; missed points for the Groom yellow and a Smith goal, so with his big picks from last week that puts him into a tie for second with Constant Weeder.

But the real dark horse is Roses, who vaulted over everyone with correct calls on the result and the clean sheet as well as the fortunately-now-obsolete tale of a frozen Spring .

This Friday the Thorns travel to LA to play the tumbling ACFC, whose fortunes have taken a decided turn for the worse since the early season; 1-3-1 over the last five including a brutal 1-nil loss to the Damndelions in Seattle and the sole win a scrappy 3-2 decision over Louisville.

[Last meeting: June 3, 2022 at Providence Park, 3-nil win]

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

13 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. Thorns 2-0 Angel City

    Everett (Klingenberg)
    Weaver (Coffey)

    YC: Weatherholt
    RC: McCaskill

    Just before kickoff it is announced that Orlando has traded its entire roster to Angel City for a Press jersey autographed by all the owners. In order to sign all these new players, ACFC will take advantage of an obscure loophole in the roster rules by which two players can be counted as one if they share a jersey number. Two players can’t wear the same number on the field simultaneously, but this limitation can be evaded by hot-swapping during substitutions.

    1. The “tank this season” fire sale really is on in Orlando, innit? Sadly, I can’t see them getting anything more; Leroux was their last real valuable asset outside Cluff.

      1. Well, Marta’s name and Mia Fishel’s rights might be worth something, even at sale prices.

  2. Back from beautiful Costa Rica! Now my most favorite place on earth. Looks like I’ve got a lot of ground to make up

    2-0 Thorns win

    Weaver (Ryan)
    Porter (Kling)

    YC – Nielsen
    RC – Pogarch

  3. Thorns 2-0 LA

    Rocky (Hina)
    Hina (Kling)

    YC- Lussi

    Press is out, LA’s forward line may be hurting, but…. This is HOLLYWOOD! Imagine the trailer: “You’ve seen her as a neurotic ballerina.. you’ve seen her as Gen Z’s answer to Princess Leia… now.. Natalie Portman as..The False Nine!”

    1. Oh looks like Rocky is out. Hm… I guess I’ll switch that to 1-0.

      P.s. I’m surprised at just how tickled I was to be referred to as “dark horse”.

  4. The availability report has dropped

    Bella Bixby (Covid protocol)
    Crystal Dunn (maternity leave)
    Abby Smith (Covid protocol)

    Emily Menges (right foot)
    Meaghan Nally (left hip)

    Janine Beckie (CAN)
    Natalia Kuikka (FIN)
    Rocky Rodríguez (CRC)
    Becky Sauerbrunn (USA)
    Christine Sinclair (Canada)
    Sophia Smith (USA)

    2-0 Thorns loss


    YC Moultrie
    RC Pogarch

    Hogan will be in goal.

    Late in the game Hogan goes down and can’t continue Angerer listed as the 2nd goalkeeper finishes out the game. Hogan is later to be scanned and found to be fine.

    1. Just saw Thorns have signed Britt Eckerstrom out of retirement as an emergency replacement goal keeper. Who starts? Britt has played in professional games before, but has been retired since January of 2021. Hogan has been training with the team for a night like this, hasn’t really been on goal for a league game. I am guessing we still field Hogan but this is fun.

      Changing my crazy thing to due to USC and UCLA joining the Big 10, only 10 players are allowed per team instead of 11.

  5. 2-1 Thorns

    McCaskill (Endo)
    Weaver (Hina)
    Moultrie (Weaver)

    YC: McCaskill
    RC: McCaskill

    Hogan decides to drive herself to the game and gets stuck in Friday LA traffic, so Angerer starts in goal. Unfortunately, the mighty Ice Bear doesn’t have it in her to play the full 90, so RW makes the call to pull Weaver off the front line and into the box (was it luck or brilliance? We’ll never know…) Weaver surprises everyone by making multiple fantastic saves and becomes the first player in NWSL history to achieve a perfect triple (yes, I just made that up), i.e. an assist, a goal, and a save, in a single game.

  6. Thorns 3-2 ACFC

    Smith (Sugita)
    Sugita (Coffey)
    Coffey (unassisted)
    Charley (2 PKs)

    YC – Hubly
    RC – Hubly

    With the international break over and COVID rippling our GK ranks, a mysterious figure emerges in goal. Too short to be Eckerstrom, not enough hair to be Hogan, not Teutonic enough to be Angerer … it’s, It’s, IT’S MARK PARSONS!!!!

  7. Covid brain fog was responsible for my missing the prediction last game (do not recommend), but happy to be back.

    3-1 Thorns

    Sugita (Coffey)
    Ryan (Everett)
    Sugita (Everett)
    Endo (McCaskill)

    Rhian surprises everyone and puts Kling in goal with Hogan and Eckerstrom as dual sweepers. Also a last minute decision, KK signs herself as backup keeper.


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