The Thorns Prediction Game

Matchday 22. All The Marbles.

Both frustrating and boring, the Thorns underwhelmed for 90 minutes in Kansas City. None of our player predicted a draw although three of you got clean-sheet bonuses. 4-4-2’s tale of retribution was the only “liked” wild prediction. The match never came to fisticuffs, which would have at least been interesting.

[0-0 draw, no yellow, no red card.]

Roses is (permanently?) in the middle-of-the-pack prize spot

The Reign come to Portland surfing a tsunami of goals, to decide (essentially) who wins the Shield. The makeup date is Wednesday at 7:30PM on Paramount + in the USA, Twitch everywhere else. Both teams played Sunday and both have another match the coming weekend. But for a derby day with stakes like this, rotation and rest may not matter.

[Last meeting: August 29, 2021 at Lumen Field, 1-2 Thorns loss.]

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Fishlock (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jessica Fishlock with mockery for the Riveters
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Alana Cook for DOGSO on Weaver

Make your fun prediction, and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: Bella Bixby has the game of her life. At the rose ceremony she hands bouquets to Smith, Salem and Moultrie, all of whom immediately give them back to her.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

The game thread will usually be posted 48 hours before each match.

Richard Hamje
Latest posts by Richard Hamje (see all)

5 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. I’m gonna hate myself for this – because I know it ain’t gonna happen – but I’m going to step out of character and vote my heart and not my head.


    Weaver (Kuikka)
    Sinclair (pk)
    Balcer (Fishlock)

    YC: Horan
    RC: Rapinoe

    In her post-match presser Klingenberg refers to the OL loans as “French mercenaries”, “salary-cap cheat codes”, “plutocratic rule-breakers”, and “cheese-eating surrender monkeys” which causes the DISCO to issue a new rule that requires her to wear a strip of tape over her mouth when not on the pitch.

  2. 3-0 Reign (been a while since I’ve called a game correctly…perhaps my trend will continue and the Thorns will finally kick ass. I’m willing to make this sacrifice.)

    Le Sommer (Fish)
    Balcer (Marozsán)
    Lavelle (unassisted)

    YC: Angelina
    RC: Parsons

    Bouhaddi comes so far off her line that Bella manages to score off a massive drop-kick. However, the officials are perplexed by how this could have happened and decide she must have been offside somehow and disallow the goal. Coach Parsons storms onto the field and tries to engage the center ref in an MLB-style chest bumping match, earning him his 2nd red card of the season.

  3. I am disheartened by the Thorns and Parsons. Teams have figured out that the Thorns are useless in the face of a high presss so now everyone is pressing high and the Thorns have no answer – they don’t seem to be even attempting an answer. They are also not playing pretty soccer. So, for the first time, I’m going to predict using my head and not my heart – the first Thorns loss I’ve ever predicted. It feels icky, but I’m grumpy.


    Fishlock unassisted
    Huerta – Fishlock

    YC – Horan
    YC – Fishlock

    In the 6th minute Rapinoe goes into full “burn it all down” mode and uses a lighter on the turf. Since it’s the NW, however, her attempt is immpediately rained on and no damage occurs. In response, the referee gives Sauerbrunn a yellow card because that’s basically what referring is like in the NWSL

  4. What I think will happen. We will get torn apart worse then the late 2019 visit of the Courage.

    Therefore my prediction is


    Rocky (Horan)

    YC Moultrie
    RC Rapinoe

    As part of the goal celebration Rapinoe does a double birds to the crowd before taking the double birds all the way to their bench to celebrate. She is shown the straight red for the offensive gesture.

  5. Thorns 2-1 Reign

    Smith (Kuikka)
    Sinclair (Weaver)

    Fishlock (Marozsan)

    YC: Cruz
    RC: Angelina

    When the Reign lineup is announced over the PA system, it is greeted with silence. When the players take the field, there is only cheering for the Thorns; the Reign players are ignored. Even when Fishlock takes a dramatic dive there is almost no response. This drives Fishlock and Rapinoe nuts, and without the negative energy from the stands they struggle to play with any intensity. Fishlock eventually amps things up with a late goal, but it is too little too late.


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