The Thorns Prediction Game

Matchday 16: Off to the Emerald City

The Thorns prevailed over Gotham thanks to a ferocious first half from Sophia Smith. Gotham woke up in the second but too little too late. The Thorns have a 8-game unbeaten streak and remain five points clear, with all the contenders on 15 matches played.

PastaBake took the honors this week with the correct scoreline, a correct goal scorer, and a wild prediction casting Olivia Moultrie as an out-of-control Carli Lloyd fangirl.

[2-1 win. Smith unassisted, Sinclair PK, Lloyd from Dydasco. First yellow card to Skroski, no red.]

Next we’re off the Emerald City to meet the Wicked Witches of the North. This will be the first time in the “OL” era that the Reign plays in Seattle and will surely draw some Reign fans normally not willing to commute to Tacoma. It is also Reign’s first appearance at Lumen Field (nee CenturyLink Field) and their first doubleheader with the Sounders. OL Reign’s last match was a comeback 3-2 win versus Gotham, courtesy of a Rapinoe assist and pair of goals.

[Last meeting: May 23, 2021 at Providence Park, 2-1 Reign win.]

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Rapinoe (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Shirley Cruz
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Dzsenifer Marozsán disagrees with a call and reels off a stream of invective in German. The referee, Hans Mueller, understands every word and sends her off, suggesting (in German) that she leave the pitch, go to the airport, and return to Europe.

Make your fun prediction, and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The Lumen Field staff cannot find the keys to the 300 level since nobody uses it any longer. The Riveters are seated next to the Royal Guard. Both groups join in a round of Kumbaya, followed by a beer-throwing contest.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

The game thread will usually be posted 48 hours before each match.

Have fun, tell your friends, let me know if you have any questions or if I screw up your score.

Richard Hamje
Latest posts by Richard Hamje (see all)

13 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. Thorns 4 – 3 OL

    Dunn (Kling)
    Weaver (Westphal)
    Moultrie (Rocky)
    Smith (unassisted)

    Rapinoe (Lavelle)
    King (Lavelle)
    Balcer (Barnes)

    YC: Fishlock
    RC: Kling

    Both sides enter the match with a hunger for revenge running through their veins. OL Reign seeks to avenge the the OG OL WICC loss to the mighty Thorns. Portland, still angry about falling to the Reign early in the season, aims to stick it to Seattle/Tacoma/OL on their home field. In an epic ploy, both teams seek the assistance of Nemesis, Greek Goddess of Revenge. The rivals battle to a 3-3 tie and appear deadlocked in acrimonious struggle as the game enters stoppage time. At that point, Kling, having forgone her usual pre-game speech, grabs the ball and holding it over her head, delivers a passionate ode to Victory, saying it is more important than Revenge. Her speech inspires Nike, Goddess of Victory to find favor with the Thorns. Nike inhabits Sophia Smith who grows wings and *flies down the field* for an unassisted goal. Kling, unfortunately, is sent off for the invocation, but pledges to offer Nike a Pittsburg Primanti at a make-shift hotel altar.

  2. I hate this, but I we’ve always struggled against them up there, and I think their French Connection is finally connecting…so…

    OLR 2-1
    Fishlock (ELS)
    Rapinoe (ELS)
    Smith (Dunn)

    YC: Fishlock
    RC: Bixby

    The Dandilions actually put the ball into the net three times, but the final tally – in the 86th minute – is “scored” by a player who had been subbed on just three minutes earlier as “Giselle Le Deux”.

    But as “Giselle” and her teammates hop around in celebritory glee Meghan Klingenberg stalks over to the bubble, shoulders her way into the center, and whips the mask off “Giselle”‘s head to reveal the hideous visage of Clint Dempsey, whose abortive comeback attempt as an NWSL player is thus cut abruptly short.

    “I would have done it!” cries the Deuce as security frog-marches him off the field, “If it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!”

    1. And can I say again how irritating it is when our defense robs me and Bixby of the clean sheet? C’mon, defense!

  3. Thorns 3 – 2 Tacoma (agree with Lawes, they have our number & somehow a greater fire in their bellies to beat us. But I refuse to bet on my team losing, so I’m gonna pull a Pollyanna here)

    Smith (Weaver)
    Smith (Horan)
    Weaver (Salem)
    Rapinoe (unassisted)
    Fishlock (Lavelle)

    30 minutes into the match the field lights up- it’s Smith & in a blinding flash she realizes … “Wait! Last week I scored a goal by NOT kicking the ball straight into the arms of the keeper! I can continue with my wonderful footwork, my speed, my constant threats to the backline AND score goals! I can become the kind of forward who scores ALL THE TIME!” And from that moment forward Portland started winning games by the score line the commentators thought it should be (….“it feels like Portland should be 5 goals ahead by now instead of tied at 1”….). And the Riveters lived happily ever after. The end.

  4. We see two teams trying to impose themselves on the field and it sees neither team really able to control the game. The trip up north ends in a draw.


    Becky (kling) FC

    YC Horan
    RC Savarese

    Due to the double header nature of this game Savarese is on the pitch as a form of solidarity of clubs under 1 umbrella. After Salem is stepped on, Savarese pushes Parsons so he won’t be ejected and tears into the fourth official before getting into a wrestling match with the Regin trainer on the sidelines.

    1. Saw the injury report. Kling and Bourielle are out. Charley & Lussi are questionable.

      So I am changing it to a 2-1 loss

      Rocky (Smith)

  5. Thorns 2-1 Reign

    Smith (Sinclair)
    Horan (Klingenberg)
    Balcer (Marozsan)

    YC: Weatherholt
    RC: Angelina

    In view of the extensive coaching turnover throughout the NWSL, with the competition among teams driving up salaries, the league decides that head coaching positions should be assigned by lottery. Candidates are to be randomly matched with teams by computer in a highly secure process administered by CyberNinjas. Inexplicably, the computer chooses from the PRO referee list rather than the list of coaching candidates. Even though no game is in progress, the entire team earns red cards by their reaction when they learn that their new head coach is to be Marco Vega.
    Note: Marco Vega “refereed” the Thorns’ infamous 4-3 loss to the then Flash now Courage in the 2016 semi-final.

    1. I cannot imagine a prediction I would less like to happen. Perhaps losing Horan, Parsons, and Sinc in the same year….

      1. I’m with you there. Maybe my weakness for black humor got out of hand. Unfortunately your scenario is somewhere on the credibility scale, while mine is way off the far end.

  6. I’m less sanguine about our chances with Klingenberg out, but I think I’ll stick with the scoreline.
    I’ll change the assist from Klingenberg to Salem.

  7. 2-2 tie (sigh)

    Smith (Horan)
    Sinc (pk)

    Le Sommer (Pinoe)
    Fishlock (unassisted)

    YC: Celia
    RC: Fishlock

    The Riveters and Timbers Army somehow manage to scoop up all of the tickets to the game AND sneak in a magnificent Tifo, transforming Lumen Field into a second Providence Park. Fishlock spends so much of the game flipping off the fans that center ref Jon Freemon finally ejects her, much to the delight of 96% of the stadium.


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