The Thorns Prediction Game

Matchday 12: KC Barbeque

Houston’s season-long home unbeaten streak ended as Sophia Smith scored in the 32nd second and the Thorns made it stand up. This was happy news for most our our predictors, as 1-0 with a Smith goal as the most popular guess (p.s. official scoring has the goal unassisted – bummer for all you Everett fans). 4-4-2 takes the honors with the correct score and scorer and the most-popular tale of a Northern soccer variant. Which brings to mind a dad joke: The colonists arrive on the frozen shore and debate what to name their new home. They elect to let the fates decide by drawing letters from a hat. The captain reads out the picks, “C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?” Savannah S is now in the middle-of-the-pack slot.

[1-0 win: Smith unassisted. First yellow = Angela Salem, no red]

On Sunday August 1 at noon, Kansas City comes to Portland still seeking their first win. A big trade has brought them an new goalkeeper and two young talents in the attack. They will have had a week’s training with their new team. With barely even an introduction, they helped KC take a point at home from the Courage last Friday. Nobody knows if the change will be enough to bring them a W but it’s a sure thing that the Thorns don’t want to be their first victim.

[Last meeting: At Kansas City June 20, Thorns 1 – KC NWSL 0]

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Charley (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Weaver (Unassisted)
Hamilton (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Hailie Mace
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Rowland for DOGSO, to be rescinded later.

Make your fun prediction, and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: In a KC-Portland fusion the Thorns set up a pregame tofu BBQ pit. It is not a big hit.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

The game thread will usually be posted 48 hours before each match.

Have fun, tell your friends, let me know if you have any questions or if I screw up your score.

Richard Hamje
Latest posts by Richard Hamje (see all)

10 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. Thorns 2–0 KC

    Rodriguez (Klingenberg)
    Smith (Boureille)

    YC: Weber
    RC: Edmonds

    Having nothing better to do, the Netherlands team decides to come to Portland to start getting to know their new coach. That is how Paulson finds himself hosting Van Veenendaal, Miedema, Martens, and a dozen others in his suite at Providence Park on Sunday.
    Surprisingly, Danielle van de Donk is the one who asks to join Edie and Kling in leading the Riveters’ post-game cheers. “We have to be ready to do this for the Oranje Leeuwinnen,” she explains.

    1. If I was part of that Dutch squad I’d still be sulking; they were the better team for a bunch of that semi. Not sorry the US went through, but hard luck on the Dutch, a machine going forward undone by weakness in back.

      1. Yeah, me too. But I think top athletes tend to visualize future success rather than dwelling on regrets or misfortunes. I remember an interview from several years ago in which an NWSL player (a keeper I think) was asked about how making a bad mistake had affected her play going forward. Her reply; “To play well I have to have a short memory.”

  2. 3-0 Thorns


    YC: Mace
    RC: Parsons

    Hubly scores from a Boureille assist…it could happen…and I’m thirsty.

  3. We do Kansas what we did to the Red Stars


    Smith (Rocky)
    Rocky PK
    Kuika (Salem)
    Charley (Everett)

    YC Gorden
    RC Brian

    During the post game celebrations the players and Riveters both exit to a rendition of the YMCA.

  4. Thorns 4-0 KC

    Smith (Klingenberg)
    Rodriguez (Salem)
    Charley (Salem corner kick)
    Weaver (Westphal)

    YC: Charley
    RC: Williams (KC’s Coach)

    The Thorns actually score 12 goals in this game, but eight are ruled offside (side note: three would have been credited to Own Goal). The line refs pull off their masks and reveals themselves to be Scarlett Johansson and Florence Pugh … great actors but terrible refs. In a post-game interview, the questionable calls are brought up several times. A flustered Pugh blurts out, “What?! You want me to reverse time and call them un-offsides?!?!”

  5. I still can’t believe the scorer (who does that stuff, anyway? Edie Parsons?) robbed me of my Everett assist. Christ, they’d have given that in hockey…



    Rodriguez (PK)
    Charley (Salem)

    YC: Weber
    RC: Boureille

    The match is enlivened by a first half injury time pitch invasion by Cleo the Lioness, the former Utah Royals mascot, who bolts onto the field from the beer garden waving a large plush barbeque rib, which it pretends to munch while performing supposedly comic “antics”. The poor sad creature is finally tackled and dragged off the turf loudly yowling “I’m still the mascot! I didn’t leave you! You left me! I’m STILL the mascot!”

    1. I can never understand what counts and doesn’t count as assists. Rocky has gotten assists when she lopped the ball to the midline and another player runs with it the rest of the distance before shooting and scoring.

      I think the scorer agreed with the announcer team. Either with the leg splitter or the fancy Sophia footwork that the ball bounced off a defender’s body part negating the assist from Everett. That is the only thing that makes logical sense to me. That said it doesn’t need to make any sense.

  6. 2 Thorns – 0 KC

    Charley (Everett)
    Smith (Rocky)

    YC Kristen Edmonds

    Blinded by the heat, the sunshine, the unremitting end of summer closing in, the teams break at the 55th minute and respond to the call of an ice cream truck drifting by Providence Park. Play resumes stickily. Smith scores with creamsicle on her chin.


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