The Thorns Prediction Game

Matchday 5: Racing In, Crawling Out?

A proper game of football was played at the lovely Red Bull Stadium on May 30. Despite a continuous cold rain, the Thorns looked organized and dangerous while Gotham looked disciplined and tough. And Crystal Dunn scored her first (of many to come) goal! The 1-0 result was a big win for Constant Weeder and Savannah S who both predicted that exact score and the Klingenberg assist. The wild prediction bonus went to 4-4-2 who cleared up any misunderstanding Sophia Smith had about goal conversion rates (it didn’t work).

Don’t give up! There are 20+ games to come, and Savannah S showed how it’s done! Up from 8th to 3rd on the basis of one result- just like the Thorns! Here at the Prediction Desk, we have decided to add back an incentive from prior seasons – a prize for being exactly middle-of-the-table at the end. Now you don’t even have to win to win!

Here is our table after the Gotham match:

Louisville makes their first trip across the Mississippi River (and the Ohio River, for that matter) coming to Portland on June 5. In their prior match, they were dismantled in their first-ever road game: 0-5 at North Carolina. Providence Park will be at 50% capacity and it’s Pride Night. There will be lots of color and noise to further confuse the Racings (Racers?). If you can’t make it in person, watch on Twitch at 7:30 pm.

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Charley (Klingenberg)
Horan (Free kick)
Weaver (Unassisted)
McCaskill (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Betos, for time-wasting.
Then reds, if any. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Hendrix sees yellow twice in five minutes, both for dragging Weaver down from behind.

Make your fun prediction, and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The pre-game drills have a new one just for Sophia Smith where she has to net the ball with her off foot from 2 yards out either side of goal. After she makes a few, the Riveters start counting them aloud. When she nets number ten of ten, the stadium goes nuts.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· Each player with a red card: 1 point (Cannot earn points for predicting 0 red cards)
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

The game thread will usually be posted 48 hours before each match.

Have fun, tell your friends, let me know if you have any questions or if I screw up your score.

Richard Hamje
Latest posts by Richard Hamje (see all)

8 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 4-0 Thorns


    YC McCaskill
    RC McCaskill

    Kelli Hubly (aka “HooBlay”, the defender subbing for Emily “Main-GEZ”) forgets to don shorts for the game…no one notices.

  2. Thorns 3-1 Racing

    Horan (Klingenberg)
    Smith (Charley)
    Nagasato (McCaskill)
    Sinclair (PK)

    YC: Betos
    RC: McCaskill

    Fans identify Tobin Heath & Christen Press up on the MAC balcony. Everyone melts.

  3. 2-0

    Horan (Klingenberg)
    Horan set piece unassisted

    YC Sinclair
    RC Sinclair

    Due to their travel problems the Racing Louisville must bus straight from PDX to Providence Park. The problems don’t end there though, they end up going the wrong way on 205 connecting with I-5. The game starts late as it isn’t until they are at the Cheney stadium that they realize they went to the wrong way.

  4. Portland 2-nil

    Horan (Klingenberg)
    Weaver (Sinclair)

    YC: Horan
    RC: Parsons

    The game is stopped in the 85th minute by a frenzied mob of fans who storm the Peregrine offices to “Stop The Sale”, demanding that the process of transferring Heath’s rights to Louisville be invalidated and Heath be declared a Thorn again; The special Portland Police security detail hustles Paulson & Co. across Burnside through secret tunnels to the basement of the old Bitter End, where the lose Gavin to a rabid Feral Cat before escaping to Beaverton in a fleet of Cadillac Escalades.

  5. Throns 3-0 Racing

    Smith (Horan)
    Sinclair (Weaver)
    Dunn (Smith)

    YC: Fox
    RC: Baucom

    In honor of Pride Month (with maybe a bit of inspiration from the Louisville light show) after each Thorns goal the Tillamook Cheese sign strobes the colors of the rainbow.

  6. Thorns 3 – 0 Racing

    Horan (Sinc)
    Smith (Weaver)
    Dunn (Horan)

    YC- Olofsson

    All of Providence Park glares at the stupid team that stole Tobin f**ing Heath from us. Already tired from their trip, the heat of the collective, vindictive stares knocks the Racing players into crumpled heaps all over the field. The ref calls the game early. Racing hobbles off the field in ignominy.

  7. Everyone gets points for correct result, some even got correct score. No one predicted that Rodriguez or Salem would get goals but some did predict Horan.

    I do hope that goal takes the pressure off Horan over three games that was like 1 goal from like 25 shots and like 10 shots on goal. I am coming back from camp, while we host Kansas City we tear them apart worse than we were torn apart on September 11th, 2019 by the Courage. I don’t expect it, but I do hope it is what happens.

    Sinc had gone to camp and Smith recovering from strains in lower legs tripped us up.


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