The Thorns Prediction Game – Final

In what turned out to be the easiest championship of the Thorns’ history the Women In Black shellacked Kansas City 2-nil on an early Smith tally and a Finals appearance of that perennial prospect Own Goal. The Current were hapless, the Thorns defense smothering, and Portland is now the official first third-star-bearers in the NWSL.

(Mind you, the Damned Courage have a word here; the squads that won in 2018 and 2019 were pretty much the Western New York team that won in 2016. But the league – that looked the other way while the hapless Sky Blue pranced around wearing a star from fucking WPS, forchrissakes – erased WNY from the record books so too bad, so sad. I shed no tears for The Damned)

Every one of our punters got the result – Thorns fans gonna fan, of course, but Roses got the big casino for getting the score and the clean sheet as well.

The record books will want to record this season’s prediction game because it literally came down to the last match of not just the season but the entire year; ABell4 came within a point of forcing overtime and penalties, but Thrakkorzog got just enough to, unlike the Thorns, stay top of table and bag the Shield.

(And the championship; this ain’t no playoff league..!)

So the final standings are:

NameLast MatchFinal Season Total
Constant Weeder457
Daniel Stratton035

Congratulations to all our players for a great job and a fun ending to what was an often-turbulent season. Hopefully everyone enjoyed our speculation and prediction.

Because of the tight finish I’d like to offer both our top two finshers some Championship swag, so if you get in touch with me at and furnish me with your directions I’ll get that in the mail!

I’ll be back later this week with the beginnings of our postseason conversation, but until then, third star to the right, and straight on ’til morning!

John Lawes
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5 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game – Final

  1. Congratulations to Thrakkorzog and ABell4, and to all the contestants who posted funny/outrageous wild predictions.

    And thanks again, John, for hosting the contest. I enjoyed it as always.

    See you all next year, I hope.

    1. I’ll be here. Hope everyone else will be, too.

      Should be an intriguing followup to this season. Is San Diego the New Damned? And the NWSL…now with 100% more Utah?

      What will come of the NWSL/PA report? Hearing disconcerting things about USSF not cooperating. Certainly the league seems to have pre-emptively issued Paulson absolution for his shithousery. Unsurprising, but…how the hell does he continue going forward? The man would have been booed off the stage if he’d stuck his nose into the Thorns celebration last week. I don’t see how that changes in 2023.

      Anyway…lots to think and talk about. I’ll be back later this week with some of that.

      1. Will we see Utah next season? It was my impression that they would be back in 2024, along with the high bidder for the other slot.

        Personally I think there will be plenty going on in 2023 without expansion, especially the aftermath of the joint investigation, which I suspect will involve some degree of upset to most, if not all of the teams. And the Paulson soap opera will introduce new episodes.

        If VAR actually materializes, it will provide endless fodder for discussion and argument. What it will certainly not do is fix the officiating problems in the NWSL. The officiating in the playoffs was distinctly better than during the regular season; why can’t that level be the minimum standard instead of a special case?

        This year’s expansion teams were much better than in the past; was the expansion rostering process too generous to the new teams? It hit some of the pre-existing teams pretty hard.

        The college (-ish) draft, trades, international breaks, the tendency of the NT to not return players in the condition in which they were received, the intrusion of non-league games mid-season, scheduling in general — there will be no shortage of topics for discussion.

        In short, I look forward to another season of fascinating conversations, here and on STF.

  2. Thanks for a fun season, John! I have to say, San Diego will be the team I cheer for when I’m not cheering for the Thorns. They have our Po! And they’re just lovely people, they don’t throw tantrums like Tacoma to try to intimidate refs, and cry about results. Tacoma Reign will always be enemy #1.

  3. Oh, the excitement! Congrats to Thrakkorzog on taking the cake. Apologies for the radio silence…a series of unfortunate events followed the final and I’ve had little free time. Thanks so much for hosting this fun game…I’ve followed prior, but this was the first year I’ve participated!

    I feel very different going into this offseason than I did last season…our needs aren’t as “global” seemingly, and we’ve locked down the core players,…I’m not as stressed in that regard. I’m very curious how this FO handles the draft, since last year was bungled a bit. I think the obvious needs are fullbacks…namely another RB (hello…Jayde Riviere? Oh, Canada eh?) Regardless, I look forward to more content and discussion during silly season!

    Thanks again, John, for providing this community! I’ll send an email with my address. Onward!


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