The Thorns PRediction Game

Midweek madness!

Can you tell I didn’t look at the schedule? For the first time ever, TTPG goes back-to-back as I was caught flat-footed by leaving until last night to watch the final dreary half of the 3-3 home draw carved out of our collective souls by The Damned Courage.

And not just our souls – our brains weren’t working overtime on that sucker, either; none of our punters got the score or the result, so unlike the teams, the last game here was a low-scoring affair, taken by Pastabake largely on the strength of his delightful player-flavor ice cream story, much appreciated on a hot summer’s day…

(3-3 draw, Smith (UA), Weaver (UA), Ordonez (Pickett), Ordonez (Williams), Smith (Moultrie), Daniels (UA) – no cards)

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder133
Daniel Stratton112

Tomorrow the Thorns meet the Washington Spirit on the road. The Spirit are…well, “dire” would be a step up for them this season, possibly the most precipitous fall in league history of a club that won the league. Both clubs are coming off draws played last Friday, Washington’s away to Louisville with the difference being that it was Washington the visitor clawing back a point rather than being stripped of the home win. We’ll see who’s more frustrated, and deeper, tomorrow.

(Last meeting, May 18, 2022 at Providence Park, 1-1 draw)

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

12 thoughts on “The Thorns PRediction Game

  1. 2-0
    Smith (Ryan)

    YC Smith
    RC Hubly

    Team takes some time to tour the nation’s capital flooding their social media accounts with posts of visiting all there is to see. The post going most viral is Hina explaining to fellow teammates, the national mall doesn’t actually have places to shop.

    1. I am happy we got the road win. I did not know that goal was in Weaver’s wheelhouse. However, if you let anyone run at you like that unmarked they will have a chance. She seems to be on form for the time being. I am excited to see how long it lasts.

      Not surprised, no one had Bixby OG on their predictions. Regardless she was still a beast made a huge number of saves before and after the goal.

      I would have adjusted had I known Smith was out pre-kickoff. It is what it is. I will take the correct result and call it a day.

  2. Thorns 3-2 Spirit

    Smith (unassisted)
    Sugita (Sinclair)
    Ryan (Hubly)
    Rodman (Sanchez)
    Hatch (Sullivan)

    YC – Kuikka
    RC – Sonnett

    Weaver’s celebration against NCC inspires creativities in the squad. After Smith scores, the field players form a human pyramid with Smith at the top. Then, after Sugita scores, she runs all the way back to Bixby, leaps onto her back, Bixby pulls up onto the crossbar, and Sugita climbs atop to celebrate. Finally, for Ryan’s game winner, Hubly and Weaver link arms for a fireman’s carry, which Ryan does a backflip off of.

  3. 3-1 Thorns

    Smith (Sugita)
    Smith (UA)
    Beckie (UA) -> this is starting to feel like a wild prediction in itself…

    Hatch (Sanchez)

    YC: Staab
    RC: Rodman

    The players from both teams meet up ahead of the game to cash in their Voyager “learn how to lose money in cryptocurrency” accounts. They receive just enough to purchase packs of gum for each player….

  4. Thorns 3-0 Spirit

    Smith (Hubly)
    Sugita (Beckie)
    Beckie (Klingenberg)

    YC: Staab
    RC: Brooks

    Although sidelined by a foot injury, Emily Sonnett disguises herself as the official photographer and sets up to take the pregame team photos. She uses the official camera for the Spirit, but then switches to a clown camera and sprays the Thorns with water. When the players chase her down (not difficult because of the foot) she protests that she’s just reviving her old days of photobombing at Providence Park, but from the other side of the camera.

  5. 3-1 Thorns win

    Smith (no assist)
    Smith (Kuikka)
    Weaver (Smith)

    Sanchez (Hatch)

    YC Rodman
    RC Hina Hive, East Coast Edition

    When Rodman fouls Hina, the ECE of Hina Hive storms the field in protest. The ref, like most NWSL refs, never wears her contacts on the field, and doesn’t notice the foul. She’s nearsighted, and also doesn’t see the Hive until there are about 30 of them on the field. She tries to salvage the situation with a YC on Rodman, which is enough that the Hive leaves the field, whereupon she issues them a RC.

  6. Thorns 2 – 1 Spirit (gotta tell you I’m nervous about this one after our match w/the Damned. What if this is the game where Wash Spirit sniffs the air and becomes the team that all the WoSo pundits talked about incessantly b/t seasons)

    Beckie -Rocky (this is a wish, not a real guess). Beckie HAS to start scoring


    YC- Sullivan

    Remembering their age and how very young they are, Rodman, Sanchez, Moultrie, Weaver & Smith bring their stuffed animals and have a tea party during half-time.

  7. Ok, there’s a delayed game start, so technically I’m still in before kickoff!

    Thorns 3-2

    Smith (PK)
    Smith (Ryan)
    Sugita (Sinc)
    Hatch (Sanchez)
    Rodman (Sanchez)

    YC: Brooks
    RC: Staab

    1. With Smith out, that changes the game. I’m gonna go 2-1 Thorns instead.

      Ryan ( Rocky)
      Sugita (Sinc)
      Hatch (Sanchez)


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