The Thorns Prediction Game

It looked pretty dire for a loooooong, long time, didn’t it?

The Thorns conceded a soft (yeah, it was pretty soft, but…) penalty to Angel City in the first minute of play – Shelby Hogan was a wall but the rebound wasn’t our friend – and then both teams farkled about for another 94 minutes until, mirable dictu!, Madison Pograch dimed Yazmeen Ryan, Ryan’s header beat Didi Haracic, and the two teams split the points in a result that certainly pissed off ACFC and should have pleased the Thorns only for their relentless unwillingness to stop fighting.

Like the Thorns, our TPG gang had a rough outing in LA

[1-1 draw, McCaskill (UA), Smith (Pogarch), first yellow = Le Bihan, no red card.]

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder214

Roses clings to a whisper-thin one point lead over the only two-point-scorer from last match, Constant Weeder. Still, the top of our table is as tight as the NWSL’s, with only five points separating the top five.

This Sunday it’s bare knuckle time in Seattle, with the Thorns clinging to third by only a point over the home side.

Get in, sit down, hold on. This one should be brutal.

[Last meeting: May 13, 2022 at Providence Park, scoreless draw]

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

10 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 3-1 Reign

    Balcer (Fish)
    Fish (Heath)
    Watt (Little)
    Hina (Kling)

    YC: Fish
    RC: Tullis-Joyce

    Tobin Heath debuts for the Evil Reign. The cosmic divine powers attempt to curse her, but fail to overcome the infamous TFH. Thorns fan weep while Reign fans taunt them with calls of “We have Tobin F$&king Heath!”

  2. Dear Lord this is embarrassing

    Thorns 2-1

    Hina (Beckie)
    Weaver (Moultrie)
    King (Fishlock)

    YC – Latsko
    RC – Pogarch

    KK pulls off mid game trade which sends Weaver to the Reign for all the Canadians the Reign have on their roster. Weaver promptly scores a brace, which unbeknownst to Karina, Weaver owns the city of Seattle

  3. 2-0 Thorns..don’t win

    YC: Po

    Ugh. This will probably be the most painful game of the season. It’s tough to watch Smith waste all those gorgeous goals on the US team instead of using them against the Seattle Slimebags. Sigh.

    I got nothing here beyond the hope that this game fades into the mists of history, forgotten and replaced by the wonderful and future defeat of “Tacoma” by a full complement of Thorns players.

    1. Unfortunately the Damnedelions have had our number since about 2019, full strength or no. I agree; I think this one could be epic and not in a good way…

  4. Thorns 0-0 Reign

    YC: Latsko
    RC: McClernon

    Not far into the second half, Coffey unleashes a rocket just over the crossbar. The impact of the ball on a railing appears to shake the stadium, but the shaking continues. After it subsides, the announcement is made that the game is called on account of earthquake.
    (Follow-up note: After consideration the game is rescheduled to be replayed as the second half of a double-header, so the Thorns are scheduled to play Wed 24 August 4:00 pm at NC Courage and the same day at 8:00 pm at OL Reign.)

    1. That is theoretically possible: Just after the final whistle blows at 5:50 pm to end the Thorns’ 4-0 win, the team helicopter lands on the field and whisks them off to the airport, where a waiting plane immediately takes off to the west. Because of the time zone change, the 5-hour flight arrives a few minutes before 8 PM in Tacoma, where the Thorns parachute onto the field just in time for the starting whistle against the Reign – who the Thorns also beat 4-0.

  5. Ugh, I feel like this could be ugly, but looking at the holes in their roster and a few covid protocols…I’m gonna go for optimism.

    2-2 Draw

    Balcer (Fishlock)
    Fishlock (Little)
    Weaver (Coffey)
    Sugita (Moultrie)

    YC: McClernon
    RC: Pogarch

    Tobin Heath subs on late in the match for OL Reign, but with the Thorns embedded so deeply within her DNA she becomes possessed by the ghost of Tobins past and starts dribbling towards the OL Reign goal. She megs Fishlock and then Barnes to put away the winning goal for the Thorns.


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