Thorns FC: The Things We Did Last Summer

I think we’re most of us finally into the fifth Kubler-Ross stage of the Portland Thorns 2019 season. Okay, well, no, not me. I’m still stuck in the fucking “anger, bargaining, and drinking heavily” stage. What, that’s not one? Aw, the hell with it. It is for me. But I suspect – and I hope […]

Thorns FC: One and Done

What was so shocking about the end of the Thorns’ 2019 season wasn’t that it came so soon, in only the 8th minute of the semifinal match in Chicago. Or that it began with a couple of individual mistakes, beginning either with Emily Menges’ mishit pass or Tobin Heath’s inexplicable phantom-backheel-to nobody, take your pick: […]

Thorns FC: Cold Open

As the final regular season match of 2019 it was an epic letdown on the scale of the last episode of Game of Thrones. As entrance to the playoffs it was stone-cold . But y’know what? I really don’t want to go in depth over the dreary scoreless draw the Thorns played out against Washington […]

Thorns FC: Swept Away

When I think of “trouble” this season my first thought is usually “The Damned”. But you know who has really been the hammer on the Thorns this season? Tacoma. They’ve utterly stoned us; 0-3-0, outscored 4 goals to nil, swept the season series (and 2-5-0 over the past two seasons; the two wins were, fortunately, […]

Thorns FC: It’s Complicated

The good news is that it was a win after two dispiriting losses, and it was three points at a time when the Thorns desperately needed points to stay in the playoff hunt. The bad news? Well, it’s complicated. First let’s talk about what came in with the two teams last Saturday. Portland…were scrabbling desperately […]

Thorns FC: Not Good At All

Chris Henderson summed up last Wednesday on his Twitter feed perfectly: It wasn’t just power. It was power propelled by speed. Here’s just one example, beginning in the 27th minute, although keep in mind the Damned Courage are already up three goals to nil at this point. Crystal Dunn overruns Christine Sinclair, strips her of […]

Thorns FC: Merciless

There’s a saying that I think is probably as old as Sumer. It goes like this: “When your enemy is drowning, throw them an anvil.” Or whatever they used for anvils in Sumer. C’mon. You get the idea. Last Sunday the Chicago Red Stars came to Portland trailing smoke after two ugly losses to the […]

Thorns FC: Takin’ Care of Business

Maybe it was the beer. I’d had a few, and that 10-and-a-half-buck-induced hazy vagueness always makes things look a little better. Maybe it was seeing the Thorns score their first goals from the run of play since late July. Maybe it was the 3-1 scoreline. Maybe it was just my naturally insanely cheery optimism that […]

Thorns FC: O Felix Culpa

All other doubts, by time let them be cleared.Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered. ~ William Shakespeare; Cymbeline, Act 4, Scene III That was weird. So much for the soccer chestnut “If you don’t score you can’t win.” Sunday afternoon the Damned Courage scored all three goals and still lost 2-1; the […]

Thorns FC: Reigned On

It’s a short week with the Damned Courage tomorrow midday and this was – certainly for a neutral and even for me as a Thorns fan – an ugly, dreary match, so I’ll be brief. The Thorns have got trouble. Seattle was not a particularly good team Wednesday night. Here’s the Opta stats line: SEA […]