Thorns FC: Zzzzzzzz

The good thing about playing bad teams is that you beat them. The bad thing about playing bad teams is that it’s often difficult to figure out what to make of that. Sure, if you thrash Sky Blue FC 5-nil you’ve pretty much made the statement “We’re waaaaay better than Sky Blue FC”. Mind you, […]

Thorns FC: Protect the precious

The funnest part of the Thorns’ 3-1 loss to the Washington Spirit came at roughly 56:24 in the Yahoo! Sports stream. It wasn’t actually part of the matchplay, but, rather, during a weather delay when the Yahoo! crew dove for cover but left the microphone open. At that time we learned that we weren’t playing […]

Thorns FC: Winning Ugly

It was one ugly ass road win. It was an ugly opponent; Orlando, this season’s Sky Blue. And boy, howdy, were they ugly. Defensively porous ugly. Offensively impotent ugly. Hacky, cheap-shot-foul-y ugly. It was an ugly game. Sloppy; 63% passing, Thorns? 59% passing, Orlando? Ugly. Dirty; twenty-six fouls and only twenty-seven shots? Yep. That’s ugly. […]

Thorns FC: Sacrifice

“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. “ ~ Steve Prefontaine At about the 20th minute of this match I was already thinking about this column, and the image I had in mind for the header was a flaming dumpster. Because that’s how furious I was the the Thorns had […]

Thorns FC: Taking the CTA to Crazytown

Whatever else you could say, you sure as hell could say “it wasn’t boring”. On Matchday 2 the Chicago Red Stars and Portland Thorns combined for eight goals – including a penalty conversion each. Exciting? It was surely that. It had everything that makes soccer a great sport. Great team and individual skill. Multiple lead […]

Thorns FC: First Steps

There’s a story about a frivolous and fashionable lady of the French court of Louis XIV whose chaplain tried to impress on her the importance of diligent seriousness by recounting the story of an early Christian martyr whose faith was so powerful that, after he was decapitated, he made a pilgrimage by walking to Jerusalem […]

Thorns FC: Post-Pre

The next time we see our Portland Thorns on the pitch, the results will matter. That wasn’t the case the three times we saw them the previous week; the “Thorns Invitational” was only an opportunity for us, and the coaching and training staff, to see how well the players and team are shaping as they […]

Fairytale Come True

(in which the Thorns win the NWSL Championship and Portland pees itself a little) The NWSL Final was played in the land of sanitized fairytales. The original stories included dark themes of villainy, maimings, and worse. But then a hero emerged and everything wrapped up with a happy ending. How appropriate for this match. The […]

Bye Orlando! Oh, Hi Orlando!

(in which the Thorns dispatch the Pride at home and now are going to the Final in Orlando) The Thorns beat the Orlando Pride 4-1 at Providence Park to earn a berth in the NWSL Final. One more win, this time versus the North Carolina Courage, and the Thorns will be the league’s second team […]

Nothing to Get Too Excited About

(in which the Thorns handily win a friendly and get an unlikely next opponent) The Thorns hosted the Chicago Red Stars on Saturday for the season finale. The game was decidedly tilted in Portland’s favor even more than the 3-1 score indicated. But since Chicago wasn’t really trying, the win has a somewhat hollow feel. […]