I thought we might bring this back after taking a couple of years off. It was fun then, and dog knows we could use some fun after all the panicking about Wilson re-signing, Coffey leaving, and Ken’s replacement and…well, dammit, we could use some fun.
Anyway, in case you don’t remember…
How all this works:
Before the upcoming Thorns match – in this case, Friday’s Opening Day in D.C. against the Spirit – add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 1-3 Thorns.
In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Wilson (Fleming)
Reyes (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Rodman (PK)
Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Bianca St. Georges
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Trinity Rodman for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.
Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Ryan gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Perry, gives Muller a wedgie, gives Arnold a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)
Scoring:
· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points
Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.
Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.
The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Castellanos scores from a Moultrie assist and that is exactly what happens.
Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = dead ball, not in run of play. FK includes olimpicos from corners. No entry means unassisted.
Okay, now…to Friday’s match.
My immediate thought is just “Brrrr…scary!!!”
Washington is stacked. Scoring? How many ways can they kill you!? Rodman. Cantore. Kouassi. Monday. Hatch. Midfield? Solid, anchored by Sullivan and Hirshfelt. Backline? Decent, although if the Spirit had a soft spot in 2025 it was in back; last season their 33GA was the third-worst in the top eight, one reason they brought in Casey Krueger for this season. But they also have Kingsbury in goal, one of the best shot-stoppers in the league. So, still one of the top two or three squads in the league.
After splitting last season’s meetings with them (we won 2-nil here, they won 2-1 there) the Thorns met the Spirit in the playoff semifinal and were comprehensively pantsed; the 2-nil scoreline frankly flattered the KenBall Thorns:
“The engagement was brief, and brutal, exposing the design flaws in, and damage to, the Thorns’ ship we’d seen all season; punitive lack of firepower, poor fire direction that resulted in scattered salvos and often an ineffective fall of shot, and weak points in the defensive armor that all too often let in fatal shellfire.”
Okay, now. That was then.
Since then the Thorns have recovered the services of Sophia Wilson and Marie Muller but lost Hina Sugita and Sam Coffey. There’s a new head coach, although how much of an impact he will have by Friday is questionable at best. Washington is still stacked.
Now?
I won’t pretend I’m confident. The last couple of road openings have been tire fires (though they were also both in Kansas City, that monstrous rough beast that has bestrode the league through that time) and the preseason outings in Indio (albeit without Wilson and Muller) exposed many of the same flaws – lack of attacking structure and defensive lapses – we saw from KenBall in 2024. This frankly shapes up looking like a mid-table side visiting one of the likely Shield contenders.
I think it will be a tough match…at best. The Thorns might be well advised to keep it tight and grind, because as last season’s semifinal showed, if Washington gets in behind you they can score, and if they score early they can keep you on your heels all match.
(Last meeting: November 15, 2025 (semifinal), Audi Field, 2-nil Thorns loss)
But what do you think?
- The Thorns Prediction Game: Matchday 1, 2026 - March 10, 2026
- Final notes on the Silly Season (3.0): Hej, Tränare! - March 1, 2026
- Fashionista 3, or What Fresh Hell is… - February 26, 2026
It is difficult for me to think Wilson or Muller will make an impact for at least a couple of games. That kind of puts us back to were we started last year, except without our best MF in Coffey. Who will start at the 6? Who knows. I haven’t seen enough of anyone of them at this point to draw any serious conclusions. I think the Thorns will struggle early in this season. Maybe we can put together a run when Sophia gets back in form and goes on a push to get her USWNT spot back. Good news is the schedule get a lot softer after March.