Thorns FC: Un Soir Sans

Professional cycling has a term for it.

Un jour sans; “a day without”.

It’s that kind of day when you call on your legs and they won’t answer. When you push and struggle and pedal harder and still go backwards. When your arms feel like strings and your lungs burn and you look inside yourself to dig deep and there’s just…nothing there.

The Thorns had nothing in San Diego.

I’m not even sure how deep the squad was digging, but deep or not, what they found there was, literally, nothing.

No plan. No cohesion. No ferocity. No goals. No points.

Remember what we thought might be hopeful signs in the ACFC draw?

Illusion.

Nothing.

Remember this?

It’s like that clinical buildup in LA never happened. Like the whole squad forgot in a week how to play team soccer.

Instead in San Diego we got this; already down two goals in the 79th minute, Olivia Moultrie in possession deep in Wave territory after yet another San Diego turnover:

She’s got Christine Sinclair in front and Payton Linnehan to her right with space to, say, pass through to Sinclair while Linnehan moves to get open…

…to receive Sinclair’s cross just like Weaver had run onto Muller’s cross in LA and nail it past Kailen Sheridan – bing, bang, boom.

Or…Moultrie could just take a pointless 22-yard shot right at Sheridan.

Just like the pointless long shots she’d taken in the 19th minute.

And the 28th minute.

And the 49th minute.

And she would in the 93rd minute.

I sound like I’m picking on Moultrie, but she was just the most persistent futility-shooter. In the some 97 minutes:
7′ – Sam Coffey dinked a harmless effort right at Sheridan
19′ – Moultrie shanked wide right
28′ – Moultrie hoofed from distance right to Sheridan
33′ – Sauerbrunn skied over from 20 yards
41′ – Muller booted high and right from the top corner of the 18
49′ – Moultrie’s shot was blocked at the top of the 18
52′ – Weaver was blocked at the top of the 18
56′ – Fleming lofted a long shot right at Sheridan
61′ – Sauerbrunn skied over the bar again, this time from only four yards out
62′ – Fleming, right at Sheridan again
79′ – Moultrie, the shot in the photos above
83′ – Linnehan skied way over the crossbar
85′ – D’Aquila’s shot from the top of the box was partially blocked for Sheridan to take
86′ – Linnehan again, straight blast right at Sheridan
90+3′ – Moultrie with the long blast high and wide

You’ll notice what’s not there, right?

First, any real quality in all that blasting.

Despite getting shots from dangerous positions the actual shots were less than a third as good as they should have been – 0.43 post-shot on an xG of 1.7. For all her shooting Moultrie’s efforts come out something like less than a tenth of a chance of a goal per shot. That’s a whole lot of nothing.

Then, any sort of buildup, or passing, or cooperation, or, shit, any sort of tactics at all.

It looked like ten people out there freelancing, playing – again – like they’d barely shook hands before taking the field, taking shots because they had no other ideas.

I have no idea what the hell is going on inside this squad. What the hell do they do in training? ARE they even training? It doesn’t look like it! What was happening on Snapdragon’s atrociously-shitty “grass” last Saturday looked no more organized or disciplined than my kid’s U-8 team ever did.

I’ve watched this dog twice now and I still have no more idea what the Thorns’ “plan” was, or what they were actually doing, than when I did when I sat down on Saturday evening.

After 194 minutes of exhausting crap I’ve still got un jour sans. What the fuck happened in San Diego?

I got nothin’.

Short Passes

Per OPTA Portland was brutally out-passed for the second match in a row; this time connecting on 73% of 382 passes (compared to 76% of 396 passes in LA).

San Diego hit 83% of 532 passes (compare that to ACFC’s 80% of 495 passes).

Mind, San Diego is pretty shitty, so a lot of those pass strings went to a blue shirt or into touch or just nowhere. Portland was still worse.

Here’s our “vaudevillian cane” blogger andre carlisle – first, Portland:

If that. Frankly, I have no idea what the Bhathals think of this shitshow.

Now San Diego:

Helps when your opponent is cratering, too. But good enough for this mess.

Turnover and over.

Here’s how things are going

Opponent (Result) – 2024	Turnovers
Kansas City (L)	43
Gotham (L)	30
Louisville (D)	54
Carolina (L)	34
Houston (W)	No data
Chicago (W)	No data
Bay FC (W)	41
Washington (W)	26
Seattle (W)	20
Houston (W)	21
Orlando (L)	28
North Carolina (W)	27
Seattle (D)	26
Kansas City (L)	35
Utah (D)	35
San Diego (W)	30
Gotham (L)	43
Bay FC (L)	35
Washington (L)	35
Chicago (L)	35
Angel City (D)	25
San Diego (L)	34

Back into the shitter; 17 in each half.

The Biggest Loser was Morgan Weaver with six, followed closely by Reyna Reyes with five. Sinc coughed up four, Kelli Hubly, Marie Muller, and Sam Coffey lost three each, and five others had one or a couple.

Corner Kicks

Three, one in the first half, two in the second, all long.

Time	Taker	Short/Long?	Result
33′	Moultrie	Long	Pinged off a couple of heads and out to Sauerbrunn, who blasted way over.
56′	Moultrie	Long	Poor delivery; wide and easily cleared
85′	Moultrie	Long	Another poor effort; well wide of goal and the crowd, cleared recycled, then cleared again.

No better than anything else on this night of nothing.

Throw-Ins

Both sides took more throw-ins during the first half; Portland 13, San Diego 12. In the second Portland out-threw San Diego slightly, eight to seven

Of Portland’s throw-ins I had 13 (61.9%) connecting successfully and six (28.5%) going to the Wave. Two (9.5%) were “neutral”, going neither to Portland nor SDW (usually meaning either out for another throw close to the original spot, or pinging around to be decided by actions onfield).

San Diego completed 15 throws (78.9%) and lost four (21.1%). No “neutrals”.

Here’s how that’s going:

Opponent	Advantage gained	Advantage lost	Opponent gain	Opponent loss
Kansas City	62.5%	8.3%	59.2%	40.1%
Gotham	62.8%	22.8%	57.1%	38%
Racing	84.3%	15.7%	43.7%	50%
Carolina	70.9%	29.2%	73%	27%
Houston
Chicago
Bay FC	64.2%	28.5%	71.4%	28.5%
Washington	41.6%	58.3%	62.5%	34.3%
Seattle	71.4%	14.2%	80%	20%
Houston	67.8%	25%	69.6%	30.3%
Orlando	76%	24%	73%	30.7%
Carolina	89.4%	5.2%	57.6%	26.9%
Seattle	85.7%	9.5%	68.7%	28.7%
Kansas City	70.7%	29.3%	72.7%	27.3%
Utah	65.5%	30%	50%	50%
San Diego
Gotham	47.6%	28.6%	50%	35%
BFC	63.6%	27.3%	62%	20%
Washington	60%	40%	72.2%	27.8%
Chicago	75%	15.6%	36.6%	50%
Angel City	68%	27.3%	81.8%	7.4%
San Diego	61.9%	28.5%	78.9%	21.1%
Average	67.6%	24.6%	63.1%	30.7%

Player Ratings and Comments

Before we go, first this – look at the totals, not the differentials.

Only one player – Moultrie – had a plus/minus rating in genuine double figures (+13/-6).

One.

Player.

Two more – Muller and Sauerbrunn – barely made it.

Nobody else.

Purely and simply, that’s a team that’s not even getting involved. A team that’s not having an impact on the match.

That’s a team with nothing.

Sinclair (81′ – +5/-1 : +2/-0 : +7/-1) Just like always, a handful of nice passes and flicks. But whatever nous Sinc had with Weaver in LA vanished like morning mist off a Southern California beach, and without width…

…it was all to easy for the Wave to keep Sinc and whatever else Portland’s “attack” consisted of penned in front of them and toothless.

Sinc wasn’t dangerous, but no one else in dirty blue shirts was, either. This one was really on the technical box, not the people in eighteen-yard-box, but the folks out there looked adrift and disconnected, too.

D’Aquila (9′ – +2/-1) Came in down two goals, was never likely to change that, and didn’t.

Weaver (74′ – +2/-0 : +3-2 : +5/-2) WTF? What is this?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen this version of Weaver. This is the, what…the “Unhappy Worrier”? The “Picking Grass and Acting Tame” version Weaver?

I get that your coach(es) didn’t help much, but this is just nothing at all. Nothing going forward, no energy, no nothing. What the hell was going on?

Linnehan (16′ – +2/-3) Well, all the folks who were crying for more Peeps got a quarter hour of her and very little else. Tried some stuff, looked raw, and in particular plonked two really poor crosses.

Moultrie (+5/-3 : +8/-3 : +13/-6) Well…not nothing, but…

…kind of “a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing”. Good energy, but poor shooting, and like everyone else in blue, for all that activity no real ideas how to work together to change the game state.

Again…a fail this comprehensive is a coaching failure. But Moultrie came closest of anyone else on the squad to shaking this match loose, and that wasn’t very close.

Fleming (88′ – +4/-0 : +2/-1 : +6/-1) Same problem everyone else had; just couldn’t get any traction, between lack of width, poor communication, predictable tactics, and overall lack of discipline, focus, and intensity. Normally I’d be on her for playing below her international levels, but everyone around her was augering in, so hard to pick on anyone in particular outside the technical box.

Spaanstra (2′ – +1/-1) No impact.

Coffey (+1/-0 : +4/-1 : +5/-1) San Diego made two goals out of nothing, which gives you the idea; the Thorns defending generally did what was needed.

Conceding on a freakish goal on a bloop-off-someone’s-sports-bra?

And a brutally unsaveable deflected-really-an-own-goal?

The best CDM in creation couldn’t help with that.

Muller (+2/-3 : +7/-0 : +9/-3) Like Coffey, generally decent defensive work on a bad night. Passing could have been better, and had two of the more dangerous turnovers in the 4th and 21st minutes, though.

Reyes (+2/-2 : +2/-3 : +4/-5) Kind of the same problems as Muller plus got skinned or caught upfield quite a bit.

Sauerbrunn (+2/-1 : +4/-3 : +6/-4) Betcha wish you had those 33rd and 61st minute misses back. On a night where nothing else was going in, well…

Hubly (81′- +2/-0 : +2/-1 : +4/-1) Well, no major derp, so yay, Hubs!

Payne (9′ – no rating) Nothing.

Obaze (+1/-1 : +0/-2 : +1/-3) Gawdawful deflection on the Barcenas shot for the dagger. Unlucky, but also kind of a “making your own luck” sort of thing; no better than anyone else in blue.

Arnold (+0/-1 :+0/-1 : +0/-2) You got kinda slagged in the Stumptown writeup, eh? “Mackenzie “Macca” Arnold had a few shaky moments in the first half…Macca looked uncomfortable most of the game…”

I don’t see it.

For one thing, San Diego were shit. They had four shots on goal, two of which were easy saves, one was a bizarre own-goal off Barcenas’ blast (technically “blocked” but on frame so not counted as an OG), and the fourth, well…

The thing I see isn’t “looking uncomfortable” or “shaky”. What I think is that you have difficulty deciding the safest action on a ball in the air.

That, in turn, seems to go back to you not having 1) great hands, and 2) a powerful jump.

You weren’t “uncomfortable most of the game” in San Diego. You had two bad moments.

In the 24th minute you had a floated cross coming in from your right. A powerful jump and sure hands could have collected it. Instead you barely got to full stretch and swatted at it.

But to box away you’d need to drive your arms hard at the ball just as it arrived. Instead your arms were already fully extended, so the ball bounced weakly off your fists and fell to a SDW throw-in.

On the Jones goal, kind of the same problem. With the ball coming down in the scrum, you needed a powerful run, a big jump, and either strong driving fists to shove attackers aside and box away or sure hands to catch. Instead…

…McNabb bodied you off because you jumped too late, too soft, and too low, and the ball looped off McNabb’s head onto Jones’ frontage and from there over Sam Coffey for the matchwinner.

I think this is a combination of technical issues (shifty handling) compounding judgement problems (not sure when to catch versus when to box, and unsure when to come out and when to stay). You are what you are; a fairly average, middle-of-the-road keeper.

The bottom line is your team is shaken and looks demoralized, and right now they need an absolute rock in the goal. That’s not you.

But that’s not Shelby Hogan, either. Or Kozal or whoever the hell else is on the roster. I don’t have a good answer for this problem, and I don’t think Ken does, either. This is on your General Manager, gang. She made the Arnold signing a bigger deal than it should have been, got everyone’s hopes up, and now y’all are paying for her mistakes.

Coach Ken:

“Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;

The band is playing somewhere…

…and somewhere hearts are light.

Somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout.

But there is no joy in Portland –

the mighty Thorns were just shut out.

#KKOutNow

#GaleOutNow