The Thorns Prediction Game

Continuing their “one step forward one step back one step sideways” form this season the Thorns rebounded from a dreadful performance against San Diego to put their boots on Gotham’s neck and ride a Coffey-to-Sugita strike to a 1-nil win and a return to the Shield-presumptive position top the table.

Our punters were kind of all over the shop with this one, from Daniel Stratton (who did nab the “fun” points with his prediction of a Shim/Farrelly seismic event) who went completely the other way to Thrakkorzog who nailed the result, the scorer-assist combination, and the clean sheet!

Campeon de AperturaPoints

Torneo de Clausura:

NameLast MatchThis MatchClausura Total
Daniel Stratton22224

Sadly we’ve lost half our players; ABell4, Pastabake, and SincFan haven’t played in numerous recent rounds, although Pasta’s huge early lead keeps the top of the table as tight as the NWSL’s. This coming weekend could well make the difference for the remaining three!

And this coming weekend…

It was bad enough when it was just that the opponent is the insufferably bijoux Angel City.

But then in the final match of last weekend, down a goal after an hour and looking at elimination, the sad act that is Houston shipped them a pair of goals to get them the win and to within sniffing distance of a playoff spot!

So the Decision Day meeting in LA this Sunday is huge:

The Real Housewives of LA are playing for playoff cash.

The Pride of the Rose City are playing for the Shield.

It’s just that simple; winner takes it all.

The scary part is that it’s kind of impossible to avoid horrible memories of Gotham away on the last matchday of 2022. But there we are.

(Last meeting: April 29, 2023, Providence Park, 3-3 draw.)

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

5 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 3-3 draw


    Weaver (Coffey)

    YC McCaskill
    RC McCaskill

    2-2 late in the game Smith thinks she got a smash and grab to get the Thorns the shield. Only for ACFC to get an Extra time corner. Anderson pushes all the way up the field and manages to punch the ball into the net. No camera gets a clear image to overturn the call on the field and ACFC hands the shield to the Wave and fail to make the playoffs on a hand of god goal by a keeper.

  2. 2-1 Thorns



    YC: McCaskill
    RC: McCaskill

    Amandine Henry realizes two seconds into the game that she’s in the wrong uniform – after some quick halftime negotiations she emerges wearing a Thorns kit and subs in.

    Side note: as you may infer from my profile picture, I’ve missed Henry since the day she departed…it was quite painful seeing her in the ACFC kit. That said, I suppose if I had to pick, say, under gunpoint, another an NWSL team for her to join it would be Angel City. Might even wear the Henry-Thorns scarf to the Sports Bra this weekend….

  3. COVID got me. I hope the others are okay, because I was/am pretty wrecked. And, damn, I wanted to be the first to call McCaskill for the yellow. It’s like her destiny at this point. Watch me be wrong and Endo gets it. She was playing rough last game.


    Smith (Dunn)
    Weaver (Moultrie)

    Thompson (McCaskill)

    YC: McCaskill
    RC: Endo

    Smith and Thompson effectively neutralize each other on the field, and everyone else gives up trying to catch them and focuses on just playing around them. Kuikka gets frustrated with Thompson’s speed early on, and tosses her into the sidelines a few times before leaving Smith to manage her, prompting Natalie Portman to cry, “She’s just a BABY” in her best Ms. Hannigan voice.


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