The Thorns Prediction Game

That sucked.

For us as fans. For the players. For the club.

Losing a six-pointer always hurts. But to lose that way?


No one got the result. Since only Roses had a Wave scoring the chance of getting a scorer was slim, and it wasn’t Jakobsson. Nobody even had Pogarch picking up a yellow (C’mon! It’s Po!).

The only points taken were Daniel Stratton’s story of Alex Morgan demonstrating her life on the pitch…

Campeon de AperturaPoints

Torneo de Clausura:

NameLast MatchThis MatchClausura Total
Daniel Stratton20222

Let’s forget that one, eh?

Now we’re down to the last two, and it’s critical to win them both. The first is this coming weekend, and it’s a club we’ve struggled against, Gotham.

I ran through the “worst-case” scenario in the last match report, but the bottom line is that if the Thorns don’t take points from these last two, a combination of others’ results could force a club that has never won three in a row this season to have to win three in a row to defend their title.

So a result against Gotham is a must. Win and we’re in (with a bye for the play-in).

(Last meeting: July 9, 2023, Red Bull Arena, 2-1 Gotham win)

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

3 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. With Friday Night results in we know a win will bring a first round bye and a home playoff game. A draw will guarantee a playoff spot. A lose will not guarantee a playoff spot with a GD of 13 between us and Houston, we are going to be in the playoffs regardless of how poorly we finish the year.

    So with an opportunity to snag that first round bye for Sophia’s knee what is this team going to do? Fail to achieve the hurdle probably in a comically poor fashion.

    Purce (shim)
    Gonzalez (Purce)
    Williams (Farrelly)

    YC Hubly
    RC Klingenberg

    Shim and Farrelly come on as a double substitution and get the loudest cheer the stadium has ever made. It causes a noticeable earthquake.

  2. 3-0 Thorns


    YC: Bruninha
    RC: Ryan

    Feels like this has been a season of missing the gimmes while winning the improbable, so true to form, we will win this one and bomb the AC game to round out this bizarre season.

  3. 2-1 Thorns (here’s hopin’)

    Gonzalez- Purse

    YC -long
    RC – long

    While I agree with Stratton, I can’t bring myself to predict a loss. So, in this game, all the bad look, poor quality shots will go our way!


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