The Thorns Prediction Game

First, let me apologize.

This is WAY late, and I have no excuse. I didn’t have a hectic week, I didn’t have one of those “life gets in the way” sorts of things…I even drafted this up early in last week and then just…forgot to post it.

We’ll have to see how much traffic we get; it seems unfair to give points if only a handful of our players get a chance to play. So…

That said – on to the soccer.

Last Sunday. What can you say?

From the sublime to the…well, I dunno. What the hell WAS that?

The Thorns went to D.C. last Sunday to meet the staggering Washington Spirit, winless in four, two points from twelve.

Well…they’re now winless in five, but three points from fifteen, after what seemed like a looooong hour of seeing which Spirit could take a crack at goal while Portland sat back and, well, I’m still not sure WHAT Mike Norris’ plan was.

Play Sophia Smith hero-ball, for sure, which worked about as well as you’d think against Smith’s old gaffer, who sicc’d half a dozen Spirits onto the Portland striker every time she made a run at goal.

Then Smith limped off with a knee injury.

Finally Christine Sinclair trundled off for a nice lie-down after the hour mark, Sugita and Dunn came on, Portland woke up and scored a gorgeous team goal! So, yay!

With Washington unable to score if they got a road map to the goal the road win was in the bag…

…until Emily Menges banged a random deflection off her own arm, Ashley Hatch stepped up to the spot, Bella Bixby went the wrong way and it was 1-1 and both teams probably went home pretty pissed off, Washington for being useless in front of goal all night, and Portland for being generally useless for a full hour.

The high drama of the shorthanded win here refueled all the native optimism of our punters, so nobody had anything less than a road win on their card. Nobody had Weaver scoring the Thorns’ goal, and only SincFan had Hatch scoring theirs. Nobody got Rocky Rodriguez with the yellow, and SincFan got the only other points with a tale of Tiffany Rodman diving like a human Stuka.

Torneo de Clausura:

Next week the Thorns road trip continues to Louisville. The Villains are below the red line but not by much, and a win and a Reign loss would pull them within a point (or even GD…) of playoff position.

Much will hinge on how badly Smith’s knee is damaged.

(Update: looks like a Gr.1-Gr.2 strain. That’s “good” in that it’s not a complete tear (meaning we’d lose Smith for the season) but it’s also “bad” in the sense that I’ll be shocked if we see her again before the playoffs. Definitely out for today, and she’s “week-by-week”. But, then again, so has Sauerbrunn been and we haven’t seen her since 2019, or that’s what it feel like, anyway.)

Last meeting: April 22, 2023, Providence Park, 2-nil win

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

Scoring:
· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

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John Lawes

Soccer-obsessive. Stats geek. Thorns supporter. Former Slide Rule Pass and Stumptown Footy Thorns beat writer. One of those people who's "often mistaken but never wrong"...

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