The Thorns Prediction Game


From the depth of keelson-deep despair – down a player on an utterly boneheaded error and down a goal on a freakish free kick – to maintruck delight; a shorthanded comeback win capped off by a first-touch-on-the-field Sophia Smith Special?

G’wan. Pull the other one.

I’m still working through the delightfully weird Twitch stream ABell4 gifted me (thanksagain!!!) wishing my Spanish was decent so I could follow the streamer’s jajajajajaj stream-of-consciousness chatter.

But it’s been a delightful reminder of what an utterly intense evening that was, glory emerging from the heat and smoke and what seemed like inevitable Doom by the Damned.

Yes. It’s still a cruel game.

But…sometimes there is wonder and beauty in it.

So our punters came late but hard – two of four got the result, everyone got at least one scorer (Thrakkorzog got two, and Roses and Thrakk both got the Smith-Weaver goal-assist bonus).

No yellows and unsurprisingly no one got the Hubly red.

Tight finish, though, with three points separating the group.

Campeon de AperturaPoints

Torneo de Clausura:

NameLast MatchThis MatchClausura Total
Daniel Stratton13518

Still pretty tight at the top, with four in striking distance. Still, nobody’s out of the running – remember that getting the score right is an automatic 8 points…

This Sunday the Thorns travel to Washington. The Spirit are still above the redline, fourth on 25 points. Their recent results have been dire, though; two points from twelve on offer, and they’ve looked out of sorts after their hot start.

Last meeting: June 23, 2023, Providence Park, 4-2 win

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: “Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

4 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 3-1 Thorns



    YC: Brooks
    RC: Norris

    With only moments left in the game Bella inadvertently sends a goal kick out of bounds, where it promptly bounces off Mike Norris’s water bottle. “Or was it his foot?”, ponders the center ref…thinking that only a complete idiot would intentionally deflect an out of play ball to waste time. Not really caring to get to the bottom of it, the center ref issues a straight red.

  2. 2-1 Thorns


    Rodman- Sanchez

    YC- Coffey

    After a slow start, Kling threatens to use a cooler to create a DOGSO so they could create their 10-player passion. Everyone perks up and plays amazingly

  3. 2-1



    YC Sullivan
    RC Kling

    This game tests our fastest players to shut down Rodman, Sanchez, and Hatch. Rodman is so thoroughly frustrated that she begins flopping. By the end of the game, she has spent significantly more time laying on the field than within ten feet of the ball.

    At the end of the game, Smith gives Hatch and Sanchez that same encouraging hug she gave Thompson after an LA match. She would have hugged Rodman, too, but Rodman was still laying on the field.

  4. 3-1

    Smith (Weaver)


    YC Kuikka
    RC Menges

    To honor their last visit to DC. The team does their warmups set up in three different groups shaped like stars.


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