The Thorns Prediction Game

Oof. THAT was five miles of bad road.

The Thorns 2-3 road win at Bridgetown felt like the club was dragging ass all game; it was a win, but not particularly resounding, and featured – as we discussed – a lot of the same issues that sank the team in Orlando.

The three points did do good things for our punters; five of six got the result, almost everyone got at least Smith for the score, Weaver for an assist, and several people picked Bianca St. Georges for the yellow she got in the 58th minute…but didn’t see Hina-san picking up an early one.

Several people ALSO picked up Double Bird for a red, which she could easily have and probably should have nicked had Anya Voigt not swallowed her whistle. It’s a cruel game.

Speaking of games…we’re going to reset the prediction game. Thrakkorzog has nicked the apertura crown, and now we get to start over and fight over the clausura title on the run into the playoffs and through the World Cup.

Campeon de AperturaPoints

Torneo de Clausura:

NameLast MatchThis MatchClausura Total
Daniel Stratton055

Friday comes the Big Match, a classic six-pointer; the top-of-table Washington Spirit and former Thorns gaffer Mark Parsons come to town for the two clubs’ first meeting of the season.

Washington is coming off a narrow escape, having to score twice in the final ten minutes to bag three points off a hapless Kansas City. Before that the Spirit were up and down; taking a 2-1 win over the pathetic Angel City, drawing at home to Louisville the week before, drawing to Gotham at home at the end of May, and dropping a 2-1 game in Orlando the week before that.

But the Thorns have looked unconvincing since Seattle, and both teams desperately need a thumping win. Who can find it?

(Last meeting: August 10, 2022, Segra Field, 1-2 Portland win)

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy:“Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

7 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 2-3

    Smith (Weaver)
    Dunn (Weaver)

    Rodman (Sullivan)
    Sanchez (Hatch)

    YC Menges
    RC Staab

    With the transfer to Lyon complete. Lyon turnaround and for the remaining month of June execute a loan move to reunite Mark Parsons and Horan at the Spirit. Her one and only game tomorrow night as a Spirit player sees her get the farewell pregame casual fans hoped for and like with Allie Long get an opportunity to boo her as she fouls out players, allowing the fan base to once again move on from another fan favorite and National Team great.

  2. 2-1

    Smith (Sugita)
    Dunn (Weaver)

    Rodman (Sanchez)

    YC Kling
    RC Kuikka

    I think those speedy, spirited youngsters are going to trouble our back line, and I hope Bixby has recovered from her scare with Arin Wright.

    Egged on by the crowd, Kling takes down Hatch, and she’d have taken down more, if she could have caught them. She only simmers down after Norris’s threat to sub her out for Nally.

  3. Thorns 2-1 Spirit

    Sinc (Weaver)
    Smith (Sugita)
    Rodman (Sanchez)

    YC: Hatch
    RC: Hatch

    Coffey is 😡😤😢 that she was not chosen for the World Cup team. Angela Salem sympathizes as another amazing midfielder who never got to go to the World Cup😢. Salem then provides additional advice to Coffey leading to her playing an amazing game 😃 and making Vlatko regret not selecting her for the World Cup🤣. This, fortunately/unfortunately has the side effect of Coffey being the reason for the Spirit’s defeat🥳.

  4. John, will you be examining the roster that was released this week? It blows my mind that walking yellow card DeMelo is on there.

    Freaking Vlatko, always choosing violence.

  5. Norris is really making predictions hard this season because it’s so hard to tell to what extent his terrible defensive tactics will affect the team and the opponent. It’s a crapshoot every week…

    That said, I think Sinc will be starting against that young diamond midfield and I’m not particularly excited to see a 2 v 4 midfield. I think fullbacks will still sit high because the touchlines will be the places the exploit the diamond (if they keep narrow/compact), and I think the fullbacks will be key to that….so, I’m not particularly sure about this matchup.

    Anyways, that said, I’m gonna try to be optimistic for a draw and I think it’ll be high-scoring.

    2-2 Draw

    Smith (Weaver)
    Dunn (Sugita)
    Hatch (Rodman)
    Rodman (Sanchez)

    YC: Sullivan
    RC: Staab

  6. ABell4 – agree w/summary about why it’s hard to predict w/Norris being so very bad. I never can bet against mt team tho – so:

    3-2 Thorns win

    Smith (Hina)
    Weaver (Smith)
    Dunn (Kling)

    Hatch (Sanchez)
    Rodman (Sanchez)

    YC – Staab

    Parsons momentarily forgets which team he’s currently coaching & fixes our defense right after halftime


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