The Thorns Prediction Game

Another draw? Okayyyy…

I think we’re getting to expect this from the squad this year; four of our six punters got the result, tho nobody figured the low score and (unsurprisingly) nobody had either Reyna Reyes or Sofia Jakobbson for the scorers, meaning that the points were few on the ground. Thrakkorzog’s story of the Klingenberg Shock CollarTM was the edge to take top honors on the day:

NameLast Match TotalThis MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder11011
Daniel Stratton32335
Timber Dave10010

The field is starting to stretch, with Thrakkorzog well out front, Pastabake and Daniel Stratton dueling for second, and a scrum of Roses, ABell4, and SincFan hunting the final podium spot.


After a nutzo midweek Cup tie, scraping-past the pathetic Angels, Portland heads to Seattle this weekend for a showdown between two of the top three top clubs. Winner can’t go top if Gotham beats San Diego, but either San Diego or Washington – level on points but fourth and fifth on goal differential – could with a Gotham and Portland loss. The top of the table is lockdown tight!

Since we haven’t seen them before this season there’s no record to go by, and Seattle against common opponents is hard to suss out this season because they, like us, have been all over.

They started smoking hot after an opening day loss to the then-hotter Spirit, beating Gotham and SDW (as well as a thumping of Chicago, natch…) but then dropped points from some bad results, having to rally late to draw Louisville, beating Houston in Seattle but then losing in Cary 1-nil and, worse, getting thrashed at home 1-4 by Gotham.

The last week’s 4-1 hammering of Angel City hardly rescues the run of results. This is a dangerously inconsistent squad.

That said, so is Portland…so the match this Saturday is a true six-pointer and I’m not sure form will hold with either club.

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy:“Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

7 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 2-2



    YC Kuikka
    RC Balcer

    The men’s teams stick around and join their respective supporter sections and cheer on their counterparts.

    1. They should have – they might have learned something. Rifer’s comment summed the two games perfectly: “You had 90 minutes, boys. Now get off the field and let the grownups play”.

  2. 2-1

    Smith (Sugita)
    Weaver (Reyes)

    YC: Sonnett
    RC: Fishlock

    In an addition to Daniel’s wildly outlandish claim above, I’ll add that the team stores begin stocking half of their inventory with NWSL merchandise, and offer Pride gear with Thorns logos. The fans rejoice and everyone goes out for beers together after the game.

  3. 3-3
    Smith (UA)
    Smith (Dunn)
    Dunn (Smith)

    Fishlock (Latsko)
    Huitema (Rapinoe)
    Rapinoe (UA)

    YC: Stanton
    RC: Rapinoe

    Continuing the thread above, the teams decide to play beer pong to unofficially decide the actual winner of the game…Fishlock proceeds to drink everyone under the table.

  4. 2-2

    Dunn (Hina)
    Smith (weaver)
    Fishlock (Rapinoe)
    Hietuma (Huerta)

    YC – Coffey

    I predict that the Thorns will figure out all their defensive problems and win 3-0, putting my score prediction in shambles & leaving me (quite happily) at the bottom again

  5. Gah, I sure blew it again. Looks like I haven’t been great at showing up here before games! Fri/Sat days off are a bit new for me and I’m usually out running around just before the games come on.

    Here cheering everyone else on, though!

    For fun, I probably would’ve guessed a 2-2 scoreline. Thankful to be wrong! 🙂


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