The Thorns Prediction Game

What? NObody had Bixby as a goalscorer? Seriously?

Okay, well…given the transcendental weirdness of the 3-3 draw against Angel City I guess our punters get a pass for that one. But hopefully it puts everyone on their game for the coming weekend!

The utter peculiarity of the 97 minutes of Wha-a-a-acky Races Soccer stymied almost everyone, and that plus our unwillingness to abandon the Thorns’ hopes of victory meant that no one got the result, and there was no clean sheet. Points were thin on the ground.

ABell4 finished top with one scorer, the Ertz yellow, and her fair weather tale of freakish NWSL “rules”.

NameLast Match TotalThis MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder11011
Daniel Stratton16218
Timber Dave10010

Even though last week was a shutout Pastabake remains in the lead after the massive harvest from the Louisville game. Thrakkorzog and Daniel Stratton are keeping in close, though, and a big day could put any of our punters top – nobody’s out of the running yet.

This is another midweek Challenge Cup tie, but luckily Portland has a bye to enable the squad to travel to Cary for a Saturday meeting with the Auld Enemy.

The Damned Courage have had a tough spring, dropping points to all the top teams in the league except Portland; San Diego, Washington, and Gotham. An opening day win over Kansas City and a 0-1 away win in Houston are the outliers, and the once-mighty Courage attack is a whisper of it’s former glory; 4GF is better only that Houston’s barrenness and tied for second losers with Orlando.

On the other hand, Portland has a wretched record in Cary; the teams have met there seven times in the regular season. The Thorns only win came in 2021, and they took their first point in 2019. All the other five meetings were losses. Overall, The Damned have a substantial head-to-head margin; out of 17 meetings Portland is 5-9-3.

But…Gotham plays a Cup tie in Cary today, so the Damned will be coming out Saturday on short rest and we might have an edge there.

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy:“Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

7 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 2-0



    Due to thunderstorm in the area the game last 1 half and is eventually called at halftime never to be restarted. The result stands and Thorns get the three points in Cary.

  2. Thorns 3-1 Scourge

    Smith (no assist)
    Weaver (Smith)
    Sugita (Kling)

    Kerolin (no assist)

    YC O’Sullivan
    RC Lussi

    After witnessing the success of the Erzthole’s flamboyantly violent play against us last weekend, O’Sullivan and Lussi have a bet for how many Thorns they can take down during the game. While O’Sullivan plays up her brogue and wide eyed innocence, sparing her anything worse than a yellow after she knocks several of our players into the sidelines, Tyler goes back to her hair-pulling tactics, which are much more noticeable. She has been warned, but when she gets ahold of Weaver’s long braid and derails a run towards the end of the game, she is sent off. She stomps away, secure in the knowledge that O’Sullivan at least owes her $50.

  3. 2-1 Thorns

    Smith (UA)
    Weaver (Dunn)

    Gejl (Kerolin)

    YC : Lussi
    RC: Kerolin

    Lussi and Weaver have a secret competition to see who can cover the most distance while having the least impact. Tyler wins when Weaver scores….the coaches are not amused.

  4. John – Shouldn’t we have gotten one point for Sugita’s goal vs ACFC?

    Thorns 1-2 NCC (sorry)

    Smith (Weaver)
    Kerolina * 2

    YC: Reyes
    RC: Sinc

  5. Thorns 2-1

    Smith (UA)
    Dunn (Weaver)
    Kerolin (O’Sullivan)

    YC: Fox
    RC: Lussi

    The curse of Cary weighs heavily on the Thorns, so, after their pasta dinner last night instead of heading off to bed in their separate hotel rooms…the team snuck out and gathered under the bright of the full moon at midnight at WakeMed, where they sat in the center circle and Weaver performed a smudging ritual with some fresh cut roses and some black magic to break said hex. They were feeling re-energized and powerful this morning when they realized they forgot to include an extra smudging or two for the curse of Thee New Kit. They battle through to get the win anyways, and the curse for both appear to be broken, at long last!


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