The Thorns Prediction Game

A romp is always fun, isn’t it!

Since Thorns fans gonna fan all our punters got the win right, and although nobody quite had the nerve to go as high as four goals beyond many also had Ciao Bella! for the clean sheet. So…

NameLast MatchThis MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder088
Daniel Stratton077
Timber Dave055

So a tight race already, with Constant Weeder on the strength of a tale of wintery amusement going on top by a bare point.

This Saturday the Thorns travel to Kansas City. I hear there’s some mighty unhappy women there; the Current, who dropped their opener to The Damned Courage in Cary 1-nil.

What’d we think of last year’s runner-up when we looked at them last?

“Even with the open questions, Kansas City’s offseason has improved the club measurably. Debinha will add punch to the attack, assuming that the existing forwards can continue to approach their 2022 productivity. Cooper and Spaanstra will provide strong support in reserve, and the rest of the midfield is spoiled for choice.

Will they be dangerous? Absolutely; no team with Debinha can be overlooked, and this team has added a metric ton of talent. We did well enough against them last season, but providing the Current can work out a way to fit all this talent on and off the pitch, and assuming that 1) the jump in LaBonta’s and Hamilton’s form is real and permanent, and 2) the new faces stiffen the defensive midfield and backline, this club could be a very difficult opponent.

Can the Thorns beat them? Depends. I’m not sure that Portland can repeat the 2-0-1 they posted in 2022. I think this will be a very even matchup, and is likely to come down to which team is, and even which player is (or players are) having a better day. So I’d venture to say “Yes…but not consistently. Kansas City is going to have it’s days.”

The problem for KCC in Cary was that a bunch of those dangerous players, most obviously Debinha, were injured. They still are:

Oh, to be a knee specialist in Kansas City now that spring is here!

Kidding aside, we’ll see whether the Thorns are as good as they looked last Sunday and how hobbled the Current is with knees – in another couple of days.

How all this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Kuikka (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Marta (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Jess Fishlock
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy:“Pogarch gets the start against her former club. She gets through 70 minutes without fouling her former teammates until she can’t take it anymore. She pushes over Hina, gives Weaver a wedgie, gives Sinc a noogie, then flips off the Riveters and runs out of Providence Park, never to be seen again. The ref issues a red card, which she later contests, and loses.” (h/t to ABell4)

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

13 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. We win 2-0, poor Franch

    Smith (unassisted)
    Smith (Sugita)

    I’m banking on KC being conservative about playing those currently injured players against us, and our team being a bit tired.

    YC: Ball
    RC: Loera

    Ball is always so enthusiastic when she plays against us, and I think that will manifest in a series of fouls that win her a yellow card. Loera refuses to be outdone, and manages a red in front of her home stadium, which is loudly protested by fans who have packed just-before-noon beers on top of the caffeine that started their day. Loera slips into the crowd, doublefisting beers and coffee with fans, and heckling Thorns players from the stands. This all goes on until stoppage time, when Loera runs out onto the field in her sockfeet to have another go. She doesn’t get far, as Franch quickly pops out of the goal and hauls her off the field into the care of the sideline staff, who take away her beer.

  2. John, thanks for running the Prediction Game again. I’m glad to see a good-sized roster of competitors – the more the merrier.
    And thanks also for the 8 points, although I’m not sure I deserve all of them. I see 6: 3 points for the result, 1 for the Smith goal, and 2 for the tall tale recs. What am I missing?

  3. 3-0 Thorns…going with momentum

    YC: Coffey
    RC: Franch (pure frustration)

    Debina subs in at the 80th minute sporting a pair of crutches and a serious knee brace…yet still manages a multi-juke “run” on goal that would have paid off had Kling not grabbed a crutch out from under her…the center ref is thoroughly confused as to whether this counts as a professional foul….

  4. Thorns 3-0

    Smith (Sinclair)
    Smith (Dunn)
    Weaver (Sugita)

    Yellow: Loera
    Red: Scott

    Ted Lasso is in the stands (apparently he’s a KC NWSL fan!), causing a stir that distracts AD Franch just after she makes a save. When she returns her attention to the play, she forgets that she’s no longer a Thorn and rolls the ball straight to Hina – who makes three defenders look like traffic cones with a series of nutmegs, feints, and backheels before dishing to Smith for a tap-in. The superstar looks over at Ted and lifts her shirt to reveal an undershirt saying “BELIEVE” as she’s mobbed by teammates.

    1. Oops, looks like Desiree Scott was on the injury list last week. If she’s still out this week, make the red card “winner” Loera too.

  5. I love how we are all identifying Smith as the primary threat to Franch. I might update mine to have a Rocky goal, because she’s so good at lurking at the ready while everyone focuses on Smith . . .

  6. Thorns 2-1 Current

    Smith (Weaver)
    D’Aquila (Sugita)
    Lo (unassisted)

    YC: Kling
    RC: Lo

    Kling and Coffey star in one of Bella’s TikToks as the K.C. Duo! which is set to the tune of Little Richard’s “Kansas City” and shows them playing keepy-uppy in time to the music.

  7. Thorns win 0-1

    Smith (Hina)

    YC Sinc
    RC Debinha

    Franch plays a lights out game including a second chance save that actually has her spinning on her head to save. However in honor of João Felix Debinha picks up a straight red on her first first appearance for a new team. Stomps on a player already on the ground. KCC being a player down eventually helps Smith get a goal and leave with 3 points.

  8. 2-1 Thorns

    Smith (Weaver)
    Hina (Rocky)
    Debinha (unassisted)

    YC- Mace

    The game is so slow moving that Kling goes out to get coffee. She returns 80min in with a full Starbucks tray with straws. Smith, Hina, and Kling grab theirs only for Sinclairs quintuple shot large latte to get snatched up by debhinia. This flips the game upside down with Kling-Debhinia 1 on 1s that come down to the wire, with Debhina eventually sneaking one through making it 0-1. The dynamic duo of Hina and Smith are really giving the drowsy, Starbucks lacking KC back line a problem all culminating into an electric Hina goal to tie it up. Finally, in the 183min (every player had like 5 senseless fouls but the ref refused to card) Debhina had crashed so hard from the caffeine that she collapsed in KCs box, tripping Weaver, and giving Smith the game winning penalty.

  9. Thorns 3-1 Current

    Rodriguez (unassisted)
    Dunn (Klingenberg)
    Smith (PK)

    Kizer (Debinha)

    YC: LaBonta
    RC: Amy Rodriguez in absentia

    Hina receives a pass in the KC half and is immediately challenged by Loera and Mace. She frees herself with a backheel spin move, only to face LaBonta. Another spin and del Fava joins the scrum. Yet another spin, and a mini-twister forms, pulling in more KC players and creating an obscuring cloud of dust. The twister dissipates, revealing a crowd of KC players searching for the ball among a sea of legs and boots; all in vain, because the ball is in the net and Hina is celebrating. After extensive head-scratching and lengthy VAR review (in which only dust is visible), the goal is ruled to be the result of force majeur and therefore disallowed. For Thorns fans, however there is a new chapter in the legend of Hina.

  10. I think this KC XI might possibly struggle.

    Thorns 3-0

    Smith (Sinc)
    Weaver (Smith)
    Dunn (Coffey)

    YC: Loera
    RC: Loera


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