The Thorns Prediction Game




Was that a game, or what?

The semi final took us from keelson deep despair – shipping a Kornieck header in just the eighth minute – to maintruck delight when Crystal Dunn slammed home the winner in second half injury time.

It’s hard to describe the explosion of joy that followed, but it felt like we had been lifted from the slough of despond that the shenanigans of the Front Office had tossed us into the sunlit uplands of Morrison Street.

Was it redemption?

Perhaps. Some clouds still lour about our house.

But it was surely nepenthe.

Our punters had a good day, as well. For the first time this season (I think) three players got not just the result but the score correct. SincFan was the first past the post with that and the tale of Wavelet antics.

As good as they’ve been, our leader Thrakkorzog is in a tight race with ABell4; just three points separate them as we, the Thorns, and the league race to the wire.

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder453
Daniel Stratton035

Saturday the Thorns play for Big Casino for the fourth time in ten seasons against the upstart Kansas City Current. Sadly the match isn’t here but in Washington D.C., where the local fans are probably still cranky about their team’s season…so we’ll see how the crowd turns out.

As much as true Thorns fans (who live by the credo ACES…) owe the Current for doing us the solid of booting the Damndelions in the teeth, our job now is simple; root for domination and the lamentations of the women of Kansas City.

(Last meeting, September 18, 2022 at Children’s Mercy Park, 1-1 draw)

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

7 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. Thorns 2-1 Current

    Smith (Moultrie)
    Dunn (Bixby)
    LaBonta (Hamilton)

    YC: Kling
    RC: Hamilton

    Audi Field sponsor Audi goes all in on sponsorship, so each player drives to Audi Field in an Audi of their choosing. Weaver & Hubly hijinx their way through the Smithsonian overnight, and the Night At The Museum: Soccer Finals sequel comes to life, so they ditch their Audi and arrive on the magical T-Rex skeleton instead.

  2. 3-2 Thorns

    Smith (Weaver)
    Weaver (Coffey)
    Dunn (Hina)

    Labonta (Hamilton)
    Hamilton (UA)

    YC: Weaver
    RC: Franch

    Audi decides to one-up their parent company in delivering the ball to the center ref at the start of game by having it delivered in a classic Corvette driven (and owned) by President Biden.

  3. 2-0 Thorns

    Sophia (Weaver) Sophia has to score again someday!
    Hina (Coffey)

    YC- Edmonds

    The respect and affection that all Portland has for AD washes up like a wave and, just for minute, she basks in it and forgets that she isn’t a Thorn and lets a goal in.

    1. I am quite happy to be in the middle of the prediction pack, but not only did I get the score right…AD gave us an own goal! Like in my story! Yahoo!

  4. 2-1 we win in extra time

    Weaver (Sugita)
    Smith (Sinc)

    Labonta (Kizer)

    YC Ball
    RC Loera

    Ball defends ferociously, at one point catching a yellow card and dropping a PK in our laps. We don’t score on it, though, it’s a combination of the kick being a bit whiffed, and AD knowing us too well.

    We go into extra time tied up, with tired legs all around, except for newcomers Beckie and Sinc, the latter slipping into the match like a fox into the henhouse, and casually disrupting everything, creating space for Smith to shake loose some defenders and score. When we score the game winner towards the end of extra time, Loera’s frustration overflows, and she rolls herself up like a bowling ball and hurls herself into our front line.

  5. Thorns 3-2 Current

    Smith (PK)
    Sugita (unassisted)
    Weaver (Coffey)

    LaBonta (Loera)
    Hamilton (Mace)

    YC: Scott
    RC: Edmonds

    It’s almost Halloween. The league turns out not to be open to letting the players play in costume, but the game balls are jack o’lanterns, and the players are escorted onto the pitch by an assortment of small minions, pirates, skeletons, and even a fairy princess.

  6. Thorns 3-1

    Smith (UA)
    Rocky (Sinc)
    Weaver (Smith)
    Hamilton (Labonta)

    It’s the scoreline I just keep coming back to. After watching the KC/OLR semi where OLR just hammered their final third but couldn’t score, I’m going with the same happening here, but the Thorns convert. I love the thought of Smith against a 3-back also…much more space for her to exploit. Come on you Thorns!

    YC: Ball
    RC: Edmonds


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