The Thorns Prediction Game

Do they like to make us sweat? Or what?

Once again the Thorns were all over their opponent in the first half…and once again, couldn’t turn that into goals. Chicago and Portland went into the halftime break scoreless.

And, once again, that lasted about a minute after the second half kickoff. Morgan weaver scored a brace, and Taylor Porter added the dagger in injury time.

(3-nil win, Weaver (Coffey), Weaver (Smith), Porter (UA), YC – Kuikka)

So pretty much everyone got the result, but no one 1) had Weaver getting on the scoreboard – let alone twice, or 2) predicted Pugh NOT getting there, so it was a broad but shallow pool of points distributed across the group.

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder348
Daniel Stratton331

Tomorrow the Thorns go to Jersey to play the 2022 Wooden Spoon, Gotham, pointless – in more ways than one – over the last 12 matches…indeed, since the meeting here in Portland back in July.

The win over Chicago lifted Portland back on top, so the coming match is pretty simple:

Win in Jersey, win the Shield.

(Last meeting, July 16, 2022 at Providence Park, 5-nil win)

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

8 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. Thorns 3-0 Gotham

    Weaver (Ryan)
    Kuikka (Hubly)
    Sugita (Sinc)

    YC – Sinc
    RC – Zerboni

    In a mash-up of honoring National Coffee Day and supporting injured teammate Sam Coffey, the Thorns do the following:
    – Karina LeBlanc gifts Yael Averbuch-West a basket of Stumptown and other local accessories.
    – The players all tuck in their jerseys,
    – Use white scrunchies to hold a plain ponytail, and
    – In a goal celebration, Hubly and Weaver mime together again, acting out bean grinding, pouring boiling water, and sipping from a steaming hot mug.

  2. 0-5 Thorns win

    Smith (PK)
    Smith (Weaver)
    Smith (Coffey)
    Rocky (Ryan)

    YC Purce
    RC Menzies

    Breaking out of the kickoff Thorns do what they did in the second half of the last two games. Smith gets a brace before the 10 minute mark, and the entire team plays a game of get Sophia the gold. This game is played by forgoing their own opportunities and those of other teammates to try to give Sophia every opportunity possible to score a hatrick and take the lead in the Golden Boot race away from Morgan on assists.

    They are eventually successful when Hina is plowed over in the Box and Smith converts for a 15 goal of the year. Sophia Smith is then immediately subbed off to a standing ovation from the away fans who were in awe of the display they witnessed.

    1. 3-3 swear, bleep, swear, close swear, a god’s name in vain.

      Should have gone with Gambler’s fallacy and called a draw. Three wins in a row is a stretch to far for this team this year. Really sad Gotham don’t end the year with 0 draws that would have been quite the achievement for them. Dropping points to NJ team is classic Thorns.

      What a game. I was mostly almost right. Smith did get a quick brace and one of a Hina earned PK, and a lot of the second half after the 3-3 tie it was try to get Smith her third. Our defense cannot deal with crosses to the far post all game. Now we wait but we will get that first round bye even if we shipped the shield up north. What a game to end on. A pretty good summation of the year as a whole.

  3. 4-0 Thorns

    Weaver (Smith)
    Smith (Sinc)
    Smith (Sugita)
    Beckie (Ryan)

    YC: Dorsey
    RC: Zerboni

    Prediction: Janine Beckie, a FORWARD for the Portland Thorns, a team with a seasonal average of 2.2 goals/game, finally scores. At the very least she will be the last Thorn to touch the ball before it goes into the Gotham net and she gets credit for the goal, regardless of her intentions at the time.

  4. Thorns 4-0 Gotham

    Smith (Sinclair)
    Hubly (Smith)
    Ryan (Klingenberg)
    Sugita (Beckie)

    YC: Zerboni
    RC: Freeman

  5. I’m so worried this will be one of those games where we should score a half dozen goals, and walk off with maybe one in the 88th minute. But when it comes to writing it out, I’m unable to set my optimism aside.

    3-0 Thorns win
    Weaver (Dunn)
    Beckie (Sugita)
    Sugita (Sinc)

    YC: Zerboni
    RC: Zerboni

    Smith is still out for concussion protocols (I don’t know this, I’m guessing), so Weaver is in for the full game, and repeats her performance of the previous game, relentlessly zoobombing the goal and Betos. Like the zoobombers, she has no brakes, and has to be stopped by the net a few times.

  6. Ultimate trap game…anxious for this one. I’m gonna go with they are fired up and ready to finish the job. Shields up! Can Smith capture the hatty? I’m not so sure but I’m rooting for at least a brace and would love to be proven wrong!

    Thorns 4-0

    Weaver (Smith)
    Smith (PK)
    Smith (Sinc)
    Sinc (Rocky)

    YC: Freeman
    RC: Zerboni


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.