The Thorns Prediction Game

All of our punters outside Abell4 had a tough time guessing the Seattle draw.

Last match?

Easy-peasy! Almost everyone got the result AND the clean sheet for Ciao Bella. Nobody quite expected the Batwomen to fold quite so badly, but everybody pretty much had the match as a whole figured out, so lots of the players rang up the changes.

(5-nil win, Porter (UA), Moultrie (Ryan), Everett (Weaver), Betfort (Pogarch), Weaver (UA) , YC – Dydasco, no red card)

Constant Weeder took the gold with a straight run; result, sheet, scorer/assist, and a peculiar tale of truly out-there kit reveal. But the top of table is still tight; four points differentiate the top four.

NameLast MatchSeason Total
Constant Weeder926
Daniel Stratton77

Now the Thorns flee the insanely-baking-heat of the soon-to-be-desert Pacific Northwest to try and nick a road result from Racing Louisville. The Racers have been surprisingly vulnerable at home, though, losing three out of five. The availability report has not been updated at the time of this writing, but their only losses as of 7/16 were internationals, and all should be back in action tomorrow if uninjured.

(Last meeting, July 3, 2021 at at Lynn Family Stadium, 0-2 Thorns win)

How this works:
Add a comment to this post. As your first line, put your predicted result, for example 3-1 Thorns.

In the body of your comment, start with the goals and assists, like so:
Smith (Klingenberg)
Salem (Free kick)
Moultrie (Unassisted)
Williams (PK)

Next, name the first yellow card recipient: Merritt Mathias
Then a red card. (NOTE: no points awarded for correctly calling a red-card-free match, so take a guess.) Madison Pogarch for mimicking mooning the referee after getting an undeserved yellow.

Make your fun prediction,and give a “thumbs up” to anybody else’s prediction that tickles your fancy: The two teams meet up in the parking lot before the game to burn an effigy of Paul Riley. Nadine Angerer produces not one but two lighters from her pockets.

· Correct score: 5 points
· Correct result (draw/win/loss): 3 points
· Each clean sheet: 2 points
· Each goal-scorer: 1 point
· Each FK/PK/assist/lack of assist: 1 point
· Goal/assist bonus: 1 point
· Player with the first yellow card of the match: 1 point
· A player with a red card: 1 point
· Most liked/most outrageously accurate prediction: 2 points

Some ground rules and explanations/clarifications (the fine print):
Comments must be posted before kickoff, but you can edit or amend an earlier prediction right up to the starting whistle.

Keep your scoreline predictions realistic. No crazy scores just to pad out your odds of getting goals and assists.

The goal/assist bonus is an additional point if you predict the correct scorer and assistant on the same goal, for example, you say Hubly scores from a Boureille assist and that is exactly what happens. P.S. if you say exactly that, and it happens, I will hunt you down and buy you a beer!

Be clear whether you think a goal will be unassisted, assisted, or from a PK/FK. Unassisted = no assist, run of play; Assisted = player who got the assist; PK/FK = not in run of play. For the purposes of this thread, Penalty Kick and Free Kick are the same thing. No entry means unassisted.

John Lawes
Latest posts by John Lawes (see all)

14 thoughts on “The Thorns Prediction Game

  1. 4-0
    Smith (PK)
    Sinclair (Smith)
    Coffey (FC)
    Beckie (Kling)

    YC Nadim
    RC Fox

    Fox forgets Coffey, Smith, and Sauerbrunn are no longer teammates, turns the ball over a number of times just passing the ball to them half of her touches.

    1. The availability reports out now. Dunn and Menges still out for maternity and foot respectively. Hogan is out due to covid protocol, but everyone else is good to go. Louisville has no one listed as out.

      1. With Sinc and Beckie not making the 20 player roster

        I am changing Sinc goal to a Ryan goal still with a Smith assist

        The Beckie goal to a Sugita goal with a weaver assist instead of Kling.

  2. 4-1 Thorns

    Smith (Sugita)
    Smith (UA)
    Sugita (Coffee)
    Sinc(J. Beckie)

    Nadia (McDonald)

    YC: DeMelo
    RC: Gorp

    After meeting Gorp, the local library mascot(, Louisville Team members realize their team lacks one and decide to steal the odd unidentifiable creature for their own. When on Friday morning all three Racing keepers are flagged for COVID protocol, the poor fellow joins the roster at the last moment…needless to say, things don’t go well (

  3. Thorns 3-1 Racing

    Smith (Kuikka)
    Weaver (Beckie)
    Moultrie (Ryan)

    Nadim (DeMelo)

    YC: Olofsson
    RC: Bonner

    The Thorns appear for warmups wearing jerseys that read, “Well cared for!”

  4. I’ve always thought that an effective dummy should earn an assist even though the player doesn’t touch the ball. That’s not going to change officially, but how about doing so here – counting Sugita’s dummy last game for the sake of TPG?

    1. This makes sense to me, but would it take the assist away from the passer (who would be reduced to a “hockey assist”) or would it create a second assist on the same goal?

      1. It would create a second assist, as is already done for significant pass-before-the-pass plays in MLS and some other places.

  5. 4-1 Thorns
    Smith (Sugita)
    Smith (UA)
    Sugita (Coffee)
    Sinc(J. Beckie)

    Nadia (McDonald)

    YC: DeMelo
    RC: Gorp

    Thorns players kidnap Gorp, the local library mascot, as a prank taken too far. A brawl ensues on the field. The center ref, completely flummoxed by this strange turn of events, red cards the odd looking creature, who can be heard yelling “gotta make goals, and not just on the field” as he is escorted off the field. Play resumes.

  6. Thorns 2-1 Racing

    Smith (Everett)
    Moultrie (Ryan)
    Nadim (PK)

    YC – Sinc
    RC – Racing’s Coach

    Sinc, still upset about losing to the US, sits on the field on the field for the first ten minutes. Time wasting yellow card.

  7. 3-0 Thorns
    Smith (Kling)
    Sugita (Kuikka)
    Sinc (Sugita)

    YC: Howell
    RC: Sinc

    Howell spends the game muscling Smith and Sugita around. Sinc, still angry about Rose’s PK-winning flop during the Canada-US game, celebrates her own goal by headbutting Howell.

  8. 3-1 Thorns

    Nadim (McDonald)
    Smith (Ryan)
    Smith (Moultrie)
    Sugita (Moultrie)

    Colonel Sanders from the local KFC shows up on a bender and starts throwing chicken from his bucket at the players on the field. A particularly breaded wing hits a player in the face and causes a shallow cut. Dr. Nadim runs over and pulls some wipes and bandages out from her shin guards and cleans up the wound. Thanks, Doc.


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