Thorns FC: Unimpressive

Back in June the visiting Washington Spirit had a very bad day and Coach Gale…

“…set out what was arguably the most complete tactical plan of the season to date and the squad played an excellent, tight, disciplined match; pressed ferociously, kept their spacing and Washington locked down scoreless in front of them, and took advantage of some individual skill to nick a couple of goals.”

Then the league took a month off.

Last weekend everybody got their bands back together, the Thorns traveled across country for the return fixture, and…

…got handed their ass.

The beating was worse than the scoreline makes it look. The first half was as bad as Portland has looked since opening day in Kansas City and were it not for good luck and poor Washington finishing the home side was desperately unlucky not to be up 3- or 4-nil by halftime, a grossly against-the-run-of-play Olivia Moultrie golazo keeping things all square.

After the break Ken, realizing that his 4-3-3 was getting murdered, shifted to a 4-4-2 and managed to keep things close(r). He swapped out Mimi Alidou for Peyton Linnehan, whose pace helped generate a handful of chances, but was unable to keep his defense locked down in back so gave up a Trinity Rodman injury-time winner.

The problems?

You know what they were; we’ve seen them all before.

There’s no pace to the attack, and especially no pace wide

This season’s squad had two wide forwards with any speed at all; Morgan Weaver and Caiya Hanks. Without them the glacial pace of the pass-it-around-up-the-flank-back-across-repeat-hit-a-forty-yard-long-ball thing that is KenAttack becomes timeable with a sundial, and a well-organized opponent has no trouble keeping it in front of them, stepping in and breaking it down, or turning the ball over at some point.

It’s interesting that the lone goal came on a Moultrie distance-strike, because that’s something Liv used to do more of, something that helped spread defenders out a bit and open up space behind…but which has fallen out of use and isn’t as useful without speedy wingers to get in behind, anyway.

When the Thorns do get in behind the finishing is often crap.

Here’s Henderson’s xG race plot to give you an idea what that looks like in graphic form:

The first half is a bit deceptive, because while the Thorns didn’t generate anything in front of goal a lot of that was because…well, we’ll talk about it in a bit.

But you get the idea; something like 0.2xG even with Moultrie’s strike (FBRef was a bit generous, handing the Thorns 0.21xG but only 0.2 post-shot xG).

The second half looks better – 0.7xG (FBRef, again, had it as 0.9) – but only in theory. In practice the big riser is a Pietra Tordin eight-yard rocket over the crossbar in the 69th minute; xG 0.28, PSxG 0.0.

That, and a Reilyn Turner right-at-Aubrey-Kingsbury blast a quarter-hour earlier (xG 0.32/PSxG 0.35), accounted for something over half Portland’s notional attack.

One thing we didn’t expect was a Sam Coffey/Hina Sugita dump-stat match

We’ll discuss in the comments, but the usually-reliable midfield pair had a tire fire of a match, largely uninvolved and ineffective where they did get involved, and uncharacteristically sloppy both in possession and on the tackle.

The defending was a disorganized and chaotic shambles, both individually and collectively

So a huge part of the attacking drought was that Washington spent a huge part of the game knocking Portland on their collective ass. The attack was unable to get going; forwards had to track back to get possession. When that possession was lost the Spirit drove forward so fast and hard that Portland had to start all the way from the byline back upfield when they turned Washington over or regained possession. And the Portland defense was a fucking mess.

Individually I think a big part of the problem went back to the training ground.

Washington has some scary weapons; smart, reeeeeally fast attackers like Gift Monday (and what a wonderful name) and Rose Kouassi, and clever providers like Croix Bethune, Gabi Carle, and Tara McKeown.

What Portland now utterly lacks are players with the pace of Monday and Kouassi. There’s no way for Portland to train their defenders on that pace – the squad lacks anyone who can “be Kouassi” or “be Monday” in training – so last Sunday all the Portland backs were repeatedly schooled by Washington’s greyhounds at a pace they hadn’t seen before.

Without midfield cover the 4-3-3 invited Washington to spin Kaitlyn Torpey and Reina Reyes, Sam Hiatt and Isabella Obaze, and they did.

At the very back Mackenzie Arnold was a reminder why soccer goalkeepers don’t get plugged in and out the way ice hockey goalies are; the Australian looked nervy and uncomfortable, which surely didn’t help her backs composure. I’m not a Bixby stan; I think both keepers are fairly NWSL-average. But Bixby is the “hot keeper” now, and shoving Arnold into a cold deck just brings out her issues such as stone hands and poor distribution.

Collectively, well, let’s look at this, beginning in the 23rd minute. Someone – I think it’s Miura in possession – looks upfield and sees Kouassi open.

She hits Kouassi and the problems begin, because Reyes slides into try and double up on Kouassi and in the process opens the whole fucking near touchline to Carle.

Kouassi see that and slides a nice diagonal pass out for Carle to run with.

Nobody in Doritos orange has slid out wide to cover when Reyes moves inside. That’s coaching; that takes training for the backs to make the switch to cover, and nobody’s making that shift so my guess is they’re not training it.

Now the whole Thorns backfield is wide open for Carle.

Notice where ALL the Thorns defenders are looking.

Yep. Ballwatching. That’s another “WTF do you do in training, Ken?” thing.

Carle tears ass up the touchline looking for a teammate to cross into. She’s already well behind the backline and Reyes will not catch her until too late.

Monday is running back post and she’s got Bethune near post beside her. Pick your poison; Carle picks Monday and hucks in the cross, but Torpey is there and gets a desperation boot in to knock it away.

That’s just a respite, though, because all Torpey can do with the ball is pop it into the air and then dink a weak headed “clearance” of the descending ball out to the top of the arch, where Kouassi runs onto it and hammers a shot off a defender for the corner.

Washington owned the touchlines all game; here’s the buildup to the Rodman goal:

Looks like the same damn thing, dunnit, black shirts open wide, Doritos clustered centrally?

Yes, it was.

Again, this is training. When you play you play like you train; there’s no time to invent tactics, your body takes over and you play like you’ve drilled on the training ground. That means that Gale’s defenders are training like this.

That’s a problem, and it’s been a recurring problem for this squad all season.

Here’s the bottom line from Sunday, though:

Washington is just the better side right now

Adrián González has the better roster, and the better grasp of how to use it, than Rob Gale. All Ken could do last Sunday was scramble to reorganize his squad; shift to the more defensive formation to stop the Spirit Races, try some spot-subs (Linnehan for Alidou, Tordin for Turner) in hopes of improving matchups.

But the fundamental strengths of the two managers, and the two rosters, aren’t really the same. Washington today is a top-four club. Portland is not.

Short Passes

Here’s Sofascore’s “momentum” plot:

Ouch. Despite OPTA’s possession stat (Washington by about 60-40) you can see how little “possession with purpose” Portland had; the only solid block of blue is that roughly quarter hour in the second half between the Turner and Tordin shots, and even then those were the only shots that period generated.

I have the following in my match notes:
12′ – “Portland “attack” keeps trying to force passes in to marked players w/o success”
30′ – “Long ball to Turner, good run but shoots wide left with no support to pass to.”
45+3′ – “Fleming clever turn and pass, Moultrie nice goal from distance, all square but very much against run of play.”
51′ – “Turner gain, long ball to Linnehan but who shoots well over.”
54′ – “Washington defensive error gifts loose ball to Turner who blasts straight at Kingsbury, dammit.”
69′ – “Fleming good gain, cross to Tordin who misses high. Ugh. Criminal.”
83′ – “Moultrie to Spaanstra run, nice pass to Linnehan, good shot but Kingsbury blocks out for CK.”

And that was it. That’s all Portland generated at Audi.

Here’s Carlisle-sensei’s passing charts: first Portland:

The usual clusterfuck in the center circle, and the only passing green is around the back, so a combination of poor organization (that’s you, Ken…) and poor play (that’s you, players…). Combine those and unless you’re in Utah, you lose.

Here’s Washington:

Carlisle-sensei’s comments were:

“Sheesh.

I’ve been very curious about what González’s version of the Spirit would look like and well damn. There are some negative and less than great passing and receiving performances in there but overall the passing connections were solid and covered the width of the pitch. Fotmob has the Spirit as completing 418 passes, with 232 of those being completed in the attacking half.

Again I must say, sheesh.”

Yep. Sheesh.

Turnover and over.

Here’s how things are going;

Opponent (Result) – 2025	Turnovers
Kansas City – Away (L)	38
Angel City – Home (D)	38
North Carolina – Home (D)	32
Utah – Away (W)	25
Seattle – Away (L)	34
Gotham – Home (W)	26
Louisville – Home (D)	16
Orlando – Home (W)	18
San Diego – Away (D)	32
Houston – Away (W)	21
Bay FC – Away (L)	No data
Washington – Home (W)	16
Chicago – Home (W)	22
Washington – Away (L)	27

Problematic in the first half (15 giveaways to Washington’s 6), better in the second (12 to 11) but the real problem wasn’t turnovers so much as what we’ve discussed above.

Shockingly Hina-san was the Biggest Loser with four followed by Moultrie, Reyes, and Turner with three each. Arnold and Fleming both coughed up two-and-a-half.

The only real hairballs came in the opening minutes. Reyes twice, then Arnold twice, all within seven minutes of the whistle, all down near the Portland goal.

The only resulting danger, though, was in the 7th minute when a poor Arnold clearing pass went right to Bethune, but Sam Hiatt steamed in and crushed it off Bethune’s boot to clear. Whew.

Press!

Tenth match tracking the effect of each side’s press. I counted either a 1) turnover (either from a tackle-for-loss or a mishit forced pass), or a 2) forced retreat or drop-pass that killed off a progressive action, as a pressing “win”. If two players were involved in a press each received a half mark (for attempts) and a half credit for successes.

Similar to the Chicago match only with the pressing boot on the other foot; this time it was Portland that couldn’t and Washington that didn’t need to.

Match time	Spirit presses (wins)(%)	Thorns presses (wins)(%)
0-15′	9(9) (100%)	3(0) (0%)
15-30′	1(1) (100%)	3(2) (66.6%)
30-45+6′	3(3) (100%)	7(3) (42.8%)
First half	13(13) (100%)	13(5) (38.4%)
45-60′	3(3) (100%)	5(4) (80%)
60-75′	1(1) (100%)	2(0) (0%)
75-90+9′	1(0) (0%)	5(3) (60%)
Second half	5(4) (80%)	12(7) (58.3%)
Match Total	18(17) (94.4%)	25(12) (48%)

My thoughts:
1) What I said; Portland tried early and got skinned, so backed off. Washington’s triangles easily evaded the Thorns’ clumsy attempts. Washington didn’t really need to step in much – Portland largely dinked the ball around the back – but when they did succeeded.
2) The win here was marked by a viciously effective Portland press, so I’m not sure whether the difference was Gonzalez learning and training, Portland flailing, or some combination of both.
3) I’m not sure if it’s worth doing the usual rundown of “who pressed effectively/who didn’t”, except to note that Moultrie was far and away the Thorns’ most active and yet least effective presser; nine attempts, three successes.

Here’s the running tally:

Match (Result)	Opponent Press (Success)	Thorns Press (Success)
Utah Away (W)	28/12 (42.8%)	27/15 (55.5%)
Seattle Away (L)	32/23 (71.8%)	21/15 (71.4%)
Gotham Home (W)	28/20 (71.4%)	19(15) (78.9%)
Louisville Home (D)	34/25 (73.5%)	14/8 (57.1%)
Orlando Home (W)	28/17 (60.7%)	43/24 (55.8%)
San Diego Away (D)	18/18 (100%)	100/36 (36%)
Houston Away (W)	27/17 (62.9%)	42/23 (54.7%)
Bay FC Away (L)	No data	No data
Washington Home (W)	31(15) (48.3%)	61(48) (78.6%)
Chicago Home (W)	31(21) (67.7%)	51(39) (76.4%)
Washington Away (L)	18(17) (94.4%)	25(12) (48%)

Ouch.

Corner Kicks

Two, both long, both second half

Time	Taker	Short/Long?	Result
54′	Moultrie	Long	Headed clear.
86′	Moultrie	Long	Headed straight up and Kingsbury took the rainbow cleanly

Not a damn thing.

Same problem as always with the “how do you train for corner kicks, Ken?”; in the words of Captain Willard:

Ouch.

Player Ratings and Comments

Moultrie (+5/-1 : +5/-2 : +10/-3) So the “good news” for Moultrie is her goal and that her net +7 is tied for the best Portland player. The “bad news” is that for all that she was played at the wing (again) and lacks a winger’s skills. So she tends to cut inside – which is where Turner or Fleming are supposed to be (see the passing diagram for the resulting traffic jam) and thus narrows the attack to the point of futility.

By the second half Moultrie was dropping damn near to the edge of her own 18-yard-box to gain possession and begin attacks. I’ll let you conclude what that says about the degree of dominance that Washington had established by that point.

As an individual? A decent match. As part of a club’s attack? Just not working well.

Turner (63′ – +1/-0 : +4/-1 : +5/-1) Between the Spirit laying a hammer at the other end and the lack of attacking width, starved of service in the first half. Then given a bit more rein in the second, but undone by finishing problems. I like what Turner brings in terms of individual skills, but KenBall doesn’t really give her much chance to use them. She’s not a “fuck you, Tabo, I do it myself!”¹ center forward like Wilson. She needs wingers and a working ACM to prosper, and has neither.

Tordin (27′ – +0/-2) Ineffective, which is a problem, because the club desperately needed a spark at that point and Tordin usually provides it. Not at Audi, though, and the 69th minute miss was a huge facepalm.

Alidou (45′ – +2/-3) Another of Ken’s “not really a winger” problems, and struggled with individual form in D.C., as well. Probably should have given way to…

Linnehan (45′ – +7/-2) …her “more like a winger” teammate at the start. Linnehan also benefited from having wide midfielders behind her that meant she wasn’t constantly racing back frantically to try and shut down Washington attacks that were pouring through her backline. Should have done better in the 51st minute, though.

Fleming (72′ – +3/-2 : +2/-0 : +5/-2) Worked hard, but was largely nerfed by the team’s relative immobility compared to Washington’s pace and dysfunctional spacing compared to Washington’s tidy triangles. Nifty assist on the goal, but that was a rare bright spot on an otherwise dreary day.

Carlisle-sensei has a very nice breakdown of just how nifty that assist was:

“Her spin draws out Miura and drags Monday across, and a step up from Sam Coffey got the attention of Hal Hershfelt. Once Hershfelt drops to react to Coffey’s position, a lane opens to Olivia Moultrie on the other side of the box. Fleming sees it and executes a sweet reverse pass with her left foot. The pass seems simple, and would be on an empty pitch, but in a game situation she had to thread the ball through multiple defenders with her weaker foot without telegraphing her intention beforehand.

If Fleming takes another touch to slide the ball over with her right, chances are Miura, Hershfelt or Monday pressure the ball and/or block the passing lane. Contorting her body to complete the pass with her left was the only way Moultrie would receive the ball with enough time and space to do something with it. Saucy.”

Spaanstra (18′ – +3/-2) It’s an indictment of the roster that the “”close out the road point” replacement for Fleming was Spaanstra, a superbly mediocre squad player with utterly pedestrian skills. The primary culprit on the Rodman goal; let the ball run through her feet when, near her own goal late in injury time just needed to belt it downfield for Washington to chase down and waste time.

Coffey (+2/-3 : +2/-1 : +4/-4) Shocking.

Sugita (+2/-5 : +6/-2 : +8/-7) Horrifying.

The Thorns could probably have ground out a point with one of our two midfield monsters having an off day (and Washington spinning past them like beyblades…) but both? That’s deadly, and it was.

Torpey (72′ – +2/-5 : +2/-4 : +4/-9) Tormented by Monday on Sunday, the right side bookend for Obaze and Reyes. Not a good outing on a day when the entire backline was being handed their heads.

McKenzie (18′ – +1/-0)

Hiatt (+2/-4 : +1/-2 : +3/-6) Mistimed tackle in the 13th minute sprung Kouassi for a terrifying run at goal. Luckily Kouassi tried a cross that Torpey cleaned off Monday’s foot. Stranded on the Monday goal. Looked lost and out of ideas as well as out of position all afternoon.

Obaze (97′ – +4/-2 : +1/-1 : +5/-3) Much the same problems as her partner centerback.

Daiane (2′ – no rating) Supposedly to get attacking power? I don’t see it. WTF, Ken?

Reyes (+7/-2 : +3/-1 : +10/-3) As we’ve seen in the screenshots above, another victim of the lack of backline organization, discipline, and training.

That said, Reyes played well by an objective standard (meaning “without her things could have been way fucking worse!” which is, frankly, horrifying) but soccer is a cruel game so that if the standard was “can you hold on to the road point?” when you lose track of Trinity Rodman – just for a moment, in the 92nd fucking minute – the merciless answer is “no”.

Arnold (+1/-3 : +0/-1 : +1/-4) As noted above; I don’t like the idea of swapping soccer keepers in and out generally, and in particular Arnold seems to struggle with it. I don’t think that the Arnold or the backline are mentally prepared for the first matchdays after the swap, and the result is a nervous scrambling group of field players and a keeper whose nerves are displayed in her technical issues.

Sometimes it’s poor passing out of the back (7th minute), sometimes slow reactions (5th minute – Bethune off the crossbar with Arnold late and low), sometimes stone hands and poor timing (low jump and weak arms on a box over in the 43rd minute; luckily Arnold made a reaction swat that knocked the looping ball away before it went in). But overall it makes everyone, and particularly Arnold, look bad. In Arnold’s case it makes her look way worse than her metrics suggest she is.

Ironically Arnold was not at fault on either concession.

Coach Ken: Well, that kinda sucked ass as a birthday present, eh?

I’m not sure what more to say. Gonzalez pretty thoroughly outcoached you; his squad showed up ready to play his game and his game worked like a mechanical ass-kicker. Your squad looked half-baked, and your plan was…well, I’m not sure what it was, but it didn’t work worth a lick.

The interesting thing is that you did adjust at halftime, and came within a couple of individual errors of sneaking out with the point. Given the first half it would have been a grotesque travesty, but as we agreed, soccer is a cruel game.

But the point was lost, and now we’re looking at a hell of an August.

Seattle here this coming weekend, and a long evening of uglass fucking Harvey sufferball where, if the scoring problems continue, a random crap concession could be the dagger and sufferball tends to generate those.

Then Carolina away the following week, and the weekend after that the road monster that is Kansas City comes calling.

So far your club has dropped three of the twelve points on offer this month, and dropped from fifth to sixth.

More dangerously, two clubs below you are all within a couple of points of jumping the table with wins and Thorns losses – Louisville is two points back, and Gotham three but is within a goal of our +6GD, so a combination of Louisville and Gotham-by-more-than-one-goal wins and a Thorns loss next weekend puts you below the red line.

So far you’ve managed well enough to stay in contention, despite the loss of several critical starters. Better than many of us, having watched in terror as your 2024 squad cratered at the end of the season, thought you could or would.

Now?

This is where you earn your money. You gotta do it yourself, Tabo¹.

¹ (h/t to Thornando, whose joke this is)